Time heals everything ... even death!

You may not know this, but last October ... I came very close to ending my own life! As my last post wrote, my family's hope and dreams came crashing down and the weight of this downfall caused me to fall into a rather nasty depression.

It was a horrifying time in my life! I do not wish it upon my worst enemy!

To be laying in bed, tears streaming from my eyes, visions of plummeting head first, off the front balcony, crashing down to the concrete steps below ... this is all I could think of at the time!

If it weren't for my children and a very understanding husband ... I would not be here!

It took a long while before I could get over the butt-fuck I got! How can anyone be so cruel, so mean, as to lead on a young struggling family to believe that their hardship would soon come to an end and then drop everything without a single notice?!!

I went to seek professional/medical help, to see if perhaps I could speed up my recovery. Once in the doctor's office, I explained to the doctor how I was feeling and what thoughts were going through my mind ... before I knew it, I had a prescription for some anti-depressant drug sitting before me! Most would have grabbed it and said: "Thank you so much Doc!" but not I ...

You see, this doctor never once touched me! She never took my vitals! She didn't even take the time to see if I had a fever or if I was breathing properly!

As I sat there, with this prescription before me, I truly felt as if I was visiting a drug dealer in a professional setting!

When my appointment was over, I left the doctor's office and I threw that piece of white paper in the garbage by the reception desk!

No doctor in this world will profit from my condition!

As I walked out of the building, I had a real long hard talk with myself and I gave myself a goal and that goal was to get better ... one day at a time.

It started off with a shower ... Lord knows I have not felt water upon my skin in weeks! I then proceeded with brushing my teeth ... how could I have let go so terribly?!!!

Getting dressed was the hard part, as without a destination or reason to leave the house, I still felt it was a bloody waste of effort!

My poor children! My poor husband! For weeks my husband has had to come home from work and deal with the children, cook dinner or order out, change diapers, give baths, dress the kids, etc ...

When I finally snapped out of it and realized the harm I was causing my family, all I could do was apologize to everyone for my unhealthy state of mind.

I am happy to say that I have since gotten better and it shows! For those of you who know me, you will notice a change in me, for I am more relaxed and do not sweat the small stuff anymore.

Just to give you an example, we have recently moved out of our tight upper duplex and into a 4 bedroom home, 1 hour away from Montreal. We have room to breathe and finally ... the kids have their own backyard to run and play in!

With every move, there are always unexpected expenses which appear. Need I not remind you, we are but a one income family and I must admit ... paying $200.00 more rent than what we did before is starting to show in our overall budget! Things are terribly tight, but the bottom line is ... we are no longer suffering in tight quarters!

I have slowly started to make jewellery again! I suppose necessity is the main cause, but I no longer stress about it! I wish I could say we were out of the woods financially, but I would honestly be lying! It will take a good couple of months before we can readjust everything. New utilities, gas for the long drive to work - for my husband (1h40m each way), lack of competitive pricing in stores ... no real deals on anything!

Overall, if we set finances aside, we are truly blessed!

Going back to that time in October ... if you had told me then what I know now, I would never have believed it!

Time! It truly heals everything and it can honestly save a life!

The business man who traveled on the back of a snake...

Once upon a time there was a wealthy business man, who happen to stumble upon a young family down on their luck. He saw that this family, although battered and discarded from society’s limelight, had a great deal of potential and many great things could come out of helping them out.
He decided he would befriend this young family and took the time to speak of great new ventures. He pumped this family’s head with such high hopes and dreams, to imagine that their worries would soon be over…it was more than they could ask for. The family praised this man and they viewed him as an angel sent from the heavens. They felt they were in good hands. Their lives would finally change for the better.
Work began. The young family spent countless hours, days and weeks, skipping rest and meals, simply trying to get things done, as they knew the little sacrifices they made today, would bring forth fruit in the following days, weeks and months.
Suddenly, it all began to slow down. Work became less frequent and the young family’s hope and dreams came crashing down. Communication had stopped and no more word could be found from this business man.
The thought, to have been so close, yet so far from getting out of misery, completely crushed the parents, as they looked in the eyes of their 4 young children.
“We have failed them” said the mother, as tears came falling from her eyes.
I ask you…how can ANYONE have the scruples to lead on a family this way and then simply drop them like last week’s garbage?

Life...the constant battle!

It's has been forever and a day since I have posted anything to this blog! For this I do apologize, but since last March, I must admit...I have been very busy and nearly suffered a major burn out!
September 1st has arrived! Where has our summer gone? If we can actually say we had a summer!!!
New school year...day 2 in the works and I find myself awaiting a phone call from either the principal or the vice-principal of my son's school!
If you took the time to read my earlier posts, you'd understand that the last school year was a very bumpy one for my son. The media got involved, but the bottom line was, my son got to remain in his school. But his problems did not stop there...they were just starting!
My son has a real talent for attracting the worse types of friends! It seems as if there was never any end to the notes I had to read and respond to, brought home from school, written by his teachers! Everything from telling me to teach my son the importance of schooling, studies and paying attention in class. That's when I found out, there was this one child...a real %$#&, who hovered over my son like a real fly over shit! No matter how many times I have told my son to stay away from him, that child kept following my son and everywhere this child was...there was trouble and my son always got involved! It was enough to drive a sane parent batty!!!
I met one of this child's guardians. Let's just say, it goes without saying why this child is so messed up! He is being raised in a less than favorable home environment. He has no mother and no father, as they both bailed out on the kid! He has only his aunt and uncle who care for him, if they do at all, between selling drugs, doing drugs and hell knows what else!
It is sad to think it, but this child's future is sealed. I doubt it highly if he will make it to grade 9...and that's if he fails 5 times! I fear that if this child is not taken into proper care, one day he will do something really bad and I can only pray that my son will be sick on that day!
We have seen far too many children killed while at school, due to a disturbed individual...
As a parent, I must do everything in MY power to ensure that my son is kept safe and away from this problem child.
I patiently await a call...I can only hope and pray that my concerns will be taken seriously THIS TIME!

The Myth and No More Having It Both Ways

I read something quite interesting and thought I would share it. I never knew such anger existed in Quebec, until my son's story opened my eyes to the reality around us all!!!

The Myth and No More Having It Both Ways

In a letter responding to a piece written by G. DeWolf Shaw citing the very real ethnic cleansing of linguistic minorities in Quebec, a gentleman from Three Rivers responded with the following...

"G. DeWolf Shaw accuses French Quebec of "ethnic cleansing." That's quite an insult that trivializes the sufferings of those peoples who were massacred because of their ethnicity - Croats, Kurds, Tutsis, etc.
There will be animosity between francophones and anglophones as long as some anglophones refuse to recognize that it is the French language, not the English language, that is in peril in North America.
There are about 325 million people on this continent who speak English and about 7 million for whom French is the normal, every-day language. That is a ratio of 45 to 1. Who, in these circumstances, has to protect his language and his culture by every legal means available? What would you do if the reverse situation existed?"

The D.A.A.Q. would like to offer some clarity for our Francophone brother, the complacentphone masses, and the world as a whole.

Never would the Anglophone minority of Quebec trivialize, or belittle the suffering of others around the world by comparing the ethnic cleansing of Quebec via forced migration to that of ethnic cleansing by means of genocide and murder. The act and execution of ethnic cleansing sadly yet clearly takes on two official forms as defined by the United Nations.

"Ethnic Cleansing as defined by the 50th Session: The elimination of an unwanted group from a society, as by genocide or forced migration."

It would appear the writer didn't get any further than "genocide" when reading the United Nation's definition of ethnic cleansing.

To assist our letter writer, and our international readers to better understand:

As a non-Francophone in Quebec you ultimately have two choices: Change or leave. It's that simple. 600,000 Anglophones have chosen "leave" from the two choices given to the linguistic minorities of Quebec. What is the other choice you ask? That other choice is, "change". "Parle francais, live our way, or leave". Or as some militants like to spray paint around our communities: "Anglo go home". "Canadian get out". "Maudit anglais". "Loi 101 ou le 401".

Leave your home. Leave your friends. Leave your family. Leave your province. Leave the place your family has lived since your ancestors first set foot in North America hundreds of years ago. Or, see option one.

Allow us to repeat that number once more-SIX HUNDRED THOUSAND have chosen to leave their homes, close their businesses, leave their jobs, move themselves, their entire families, leave everything they know-opposed to living as second class citizens. Was this unintentional when those laws were penned and as they are still enforced? Of course not. It has always been the intention of the Francophone elite and their masses that have bought into the "the English speaking world is out to get us" myth.

You may be asking yourself right now-what is it that has forced so many people from everything they knew? Well the answer is very simple and very real: the laws of Quebec. Not a myth. Not a common misconception. THE LAW! And Ottawa turning a blind eye to it. The Anglophone population becoming stuck between the province's linguistic majority and federal governments need of the lions share of 75 House of Commons seats from the Province. The seats that hold the federal balance of power.

But Francophone Quebec gets to have their cake and eat it to. Oh yes they do. When it comes to language and minority rights-why in that case, they are a provincial majority. When it comes to fictional self victimization-well then, they are a national minority. This "Canadian when convenient" policy has been working very well for 30 years now. Why is it this way? See: "lion's share of 75 seats".

The "ists" as we like to refer to them (Independentists, sovereigntists, nationalists, separatists, whatever they are calling themselves this week), have ever changing rationals and justifications for their protectionist laws. So ever changing-it's like combating a rogue virus that has become immune to the latest antibodies. You can slow it down, but it mutates. Rendering it only similar to it's original form. But still baffling, very ugly and easily spread.

As for our friend the writer. He like all those that have bought into the myth-never offer any evidence, statistics or proof of this "peril" the French language is in. Generally only offering shouting, defamatory comments, and vulgar insults. But Quebec's laws are inclusive apparently. Oh, je m'excuse profusment-Still only Quebec with ethnocentric language laws!

As for his reference to North America's linguistic make-up. Seems our friend forgot a few people. Perhaps our Spanish speaking continental neighbours? It appears the monolingual United States, state by state-from California to Florida. From Georgia to Michigan, has made every effort to offer bilingual signage, state and federal services. So it would appear that even our American cousins have realized it is time for change. The average percentage of Spanish speakers by state, is less than 6%.

English speaking hospitals have been closed down. Emergency services officers that first ask if you speak French, or hang up on you. Our children deprived of educational materials. Anglophones cannot obtain civil service jobs. Anglophones are harassed in their places of employment. Harassed in public. Anglophone business owners constantly in fear that one of their stores signs may offend someone resulting in a visit from the Office of the French Language-AKA Gestapo Quebecois.

But it is still the French language in peril, right? Never any mention of the once vibrant Anglophone communities of Gaspe or the Eastern Townships? No, it is only French Quebec that lives under some threat to it's survival. Yes indeed. No ethnic cleansing in la belle province! Please excuse us while we call our relatives that now live in Ontario, Alberta, and B.C. to see what they think?

We Anglo's can just leave if we don't like it, right?

No more having it both ways! The world is finding out. And we are here to ensure they do!

DAAQ.International@gmail.com
http://www.daaq.wordpress.com/

It's finally over!

Since 2006, I have faught to have my son pulled out of his French school and placed into an English institution. But thanks to bill 101 and the fact that I attended French school my entire life, I knew this battle would be a long and hard one, without his biological father's help. I have not heard nor seen this man in over 10 years!

The hard work and dedication that the EMSB (English Montreal School Board) staff placed into my son's case, truly paid off!

They were able to obtain the desperately needed signatures from my son's biological father, out in Alberta and submitted a new application to the MEQ (Ministry of Education of Quebec).

It was finally approved! On March 9th, after all those months of hair pulling, I am happy to announce that our nightmare is finally over!

But not only this, they passed it through attaching "article 73" to it! This means that my son's children will also be illigible for English Schooling!

As long as I live, I will no longer have to hear or deal with the French Education System ever again!

Don't get me wrong...please...

I have nothing against "French" as a language or the "French" as a nation, I simply was fed up of the run around I got when I desperately needed help for my son.

To be told to hire a private tutor, or to get my son examined for A.D.D., if he was having difficulties...??? This was totally uncalled for and I was royally pissed off!

The French Education System has gone downhill in the last 30 years. I should know, as I attended French School back in the 70's - 90's. When I went to school, my parents barely knew we had homework or any problems at school, as our teachers made sure we fully understood everything that was taught to us that day. They would even stay after class and take the time to re-explain certain things, inabling us to better understand our homework.

It isn't the case today!

If your child cannot keep up with the rest of the class...he is automatically considered a retard! Or, even worse, the school will recommend that you put your child on some drugs, as they will conclude that your child has A.D.D.!!! Talk about a quick fix for lazy teachers!!!

Today, it is very rare to find teachers that still see their work as a vocation. Now-a-days, teaching has become a JOB, which anyone can have, even the school janitor can teach 5th graders math, without any formal education under his belt!!!

I am not saying that this is only the case within French schools...it's ALL OVER, but at least I can rest assured that within the English System, my cries for help will NOT fall on deaf ears and my son will never be considered a retard ever again!

It's over! No more!

A Special Message...

To a very special artist and you know who you are!

Beauty has its expiration date...

I found this photo while searching the internet and thought...
Would someone shoot me if I ever got that old??? LOL

Simply beautiful...

His heart cries as did my own...

It's not easy growing up in a home where you do not feel as if you belong!
I know this feeling all too well, as solitude, while amongst others, has been my sole comfort for years!
He doesn't know why he feels so alone, but deep down within him, he cannot help but let himself cry for a mother, who never seems to have any time to spare for him and him alone!
I feel for him and know his pain, but what can I do when my hands seem to be tied at all hours of the day?
There was a point in time when I truly thought he was the one with the problem, but now I realize...I am the problem!
I need to make the time! He needs for me to make that time, before it's too late!
I love him, as he does me! This will never change!
Time! It's our only hope right now!

Merry Christmas JF!

Sorry to spoil the surprise...but here's my early gift for you!
Hope you make good use of it this year! LOL
Hugs xox

Taking some time off...

With the birth of my new baby, needless to say my time is better spent tending to his little needs.
I am taking a break from my blog, but I am not far!
Hope to see you all very soon!

I remember...

Let's not forget those who never safely returned home to their families.

They sacrificed their lives as they fought for ours!

I remember!

Question is...do you?

Take the time to teach your children about this special day! It takes but a moment, but it will remain in their hearts and minds for a lifetime!

I was born to love you...

Ever have a song that just popped into your head and no matter what you could possibly do, nothing could get it out?

Here's mine:

Queen's - I was born to love you...



Lyrics:

I was born to love you
With every single beat of my heart
Yes, I was born to take care of you
Every single day...

Chorus:
I was born to love you
With every single beat of my heart
Yes, I was born to take care of you
Every single day of my life

You are the one for me
I am the man for you
You were made for me
You're my ecstasy
If I was given every opportunity
I'd kill for your love

So take a chance with me
Let me romance with you
I'm caught in a dream
And my dream's come true
It's so hard to believe
This is happening to me
An amazing feeling
Comin' through

Chorus

I wanna love you
I love every little thing about you
I wanna love you, love you, love you
Born - to love you
Born - to love you
Yes I was born to love you
Born - to love you
Born - to love you
Every single day - of my life

An amazing feeling
Coming through

Chorus

Yes I was born to love you
Every single day of my life

Go, I love you babe
Yes I was born to love you
I wanna love you, love you, love you
I wanna love you
I get so lonely, lonely, lonely
Yeah, I want to love you
Yeah, give it to me

Change is good!

I got bored of my generic blog template and went hunting for something fun!

I am not quite sure if I like this one just yet, so I will give it a few days and see how it works on me!

Stay tuned to other layouts appearing out of the blue!

November 5th - 2:23am - Freedom was mine!

I knew something was up on Tuesday, as I found myself listening to Queen's - I want to break free!



In the early afternoon, I made a few phone calls and got everyone to remain on stand-by. Contractions had started earlier that morning and intensified as the afternoon came to an end.

By supper time, with all my kids fed and ready for bed, I knew it was finally time to head to the hospital.

We arrived at 6:20pm. By 9pm, I already knew it was going to be a long and painful few hours! I was exhausted and honestly didn't think I could see it through!

By 10pm, when the doctor came in wanting to break my water...I knew it was now or never...

I opted for the epidural, a choice I am so glad I made!

A few hours of rest, while the contractions intensified...was truly God sent!

By 2am, I knew my freedom was near! The doctor was called in and we began the liberation process!

2:23am...Freedom was mine!

It wasn't easy pushing out a 9 pound baby, but I am so glad I did!

Now, I AM FREE!!!

Here's my newest bundle of joy!



Now I may sleep in comfort!

Good Night Everyone!

Groundhog Day...

I suppose if you lived in a dark, cramped, underworld, it would be completely understandable if you simply had no concept of time!

My baby is late! Only by one day...but never the less...I am so fed up!

I want him out NOW!!!

I have tried everything imaginable, to no avail!

Tomorrow will be November 2nd. On this day, both my grand-father (1898) and father (1929) shared a birthday! Could my little one be waiting to join them in celebration?

We shall see!

For now...everything is at a complete stand-still!

I honestly feel as if I am living the life of Bill Murray in:
"Groundhog Day"!

Every evening, for the last 2-3 days, things have progressed. I rushed to the hospital, only to be sent home by the doctors. Went to bed frustrated. Woke up, simply to feel as if nothing ever happened the night before!!!

How much more of this can a mother possibly take???

I guess it goes without saying, we were simply designed with a great deal of patience and endurance! Without them...we'd be lining up to jump off the Jacques Cartier bridge!!! Hahaha!

HAPPY HALLOWEEN EVERYONE!!!

With only 2 days left before my due date, I think it is time to pull out the "Big Boy"!!! LOL

Solution to problem below...

I missed one clue...

These weren't 3 separate dice! It was only ONE!

The problem was to figure out what was odd about it!

Here's the solution...



I simply love brain teasers!!!

Keep them coming!

Dice Solution...

After carefully examining the 3 dice above...
The only thing that I could conclude, is that the 1 and the 6 have been switched in places on the second dice!

My solution in illustration below...

Extremely Exhausted

For the past 11 days, I have been battling with a nasty, deep, chest cold. It might have been alright and quite acceptable in normal circumstances, but I am 17 days away from giving birth and every coughing spell I go through, seriously takes the wind out of me and hurts my already sore belly!

Last Friday, I had a false alarm. I was out shopping with my husband and two daughters, when all of a sudden this sheer pain came over me. We had just arrived at the Toys R Us, when I asked my husband for the keys to the van.

I was dizzy, short of breath and honestly didn't think I would make it to our van, as I made my way, holding on to the outside walls of the store! My entire world flashed before my eyes, as everything spun, all around me. I couldn't wait for this feeling to be over. Seemed like an eternity.

On Saturday, I had little to no energy in me. I knew something wasn't quite right. We packed up the kids and headed off to the hospital. I arrived at the Maternity Ward's Case Room and the nurse immediately took me in. I was pale and looked like a ghost. After almost 5 hours, the final diagnosis was made. The baby is fine, but I was the one who had a very low blood pressure and I was told I needed to get plenty of rest. Not the easiest thing to do when you have a full household to care for.

Luckily for me, this was the long weekend, therefor my husband was home and could manage things while I rested, relaxed and slept! Believe me, I made the best of it!

I feel a great deal better. Unfortunately, this bloody chest cold is still taking a beating on me physically! I wish I could take something to relieve the symptoms, but I cannot, as I am pregnant!

I have but 17 days left before I am due. I can only pray that I will have enough energy to see this final delivery through! I am extremely exhausted from all the coughing and look forward to some relief!

I wish I could go into labor NOW! But this is not something I can control!

Until such time, I will try to take it easy and get the necessary rest I need!

When it's too quiet...it's never a good sign!

Click on image to view, up close, the full magnitude of this mess!

5 CASES WHEN IT IS OK TO USE THE 'F' WORD

Seven Menopausal Dwarfs

Economic Situation Predicted

'I believe that banking institutions are more dangerous to our liberties than standing armies. If the American people ever allow private banks to control the issue of their currency, first by inflation, then by deflation, the banks and corporations that will grow up around the banks will deprive the people of all property until their children wake-up homeless on the continent their fathers conquered.'

Thomas Jefferson 1802

Coughing Up Lungs

It all started with a sore throat.

Last Friday morning, I woke up with the sensation, deep within my throat, as if I had spent the entire night swallowing razor blades, downing each one with lemon juice!

I didn't think anything of it at first, as once I had my first cup of coffee and some breakfast, the rawness of that feeling somewhat went away.

Later on that day, out of no where, I simply began to sneeze, violently at times, for no apparent reason. Such instant brutal force could catch even the strongest bladder off guard, as you cannot control matters and simply end up peeing yourself!

Nearing the end of my 4th pregnancy, lets just say, I do not go anywhere without some sort of protection against this!

Then, as if that weren't enough, the coughing started! At first, it was mild and there seemed no need for concern. Until, it progressively became worse!

As if the violent sneezing spells weren't enough for my already weakened bladder, add to this coughing spells which could honestly kick the wind out of you and render you to the brink of sheer exhaustion!

I am already in a vulnerable state. My abdominal muscles have been stretch to full capacity. All of my vital organs have since been displaced. To have to now deal with such nasty coughing spells, needless to say, I am at the end of my energy levels!

It seemed to be going away. I spent the entire day, Monday, taking it easy. Come 2:30am, early this morning, I woke up due a massive coughing attack! It came out of no where, causing me to get out of bed and deal with it!

I am simply glad I did not wake up the entire household!

When will this nasty bug go away? I am extremely fatigued and honestly fear that one more coughing spell like that, will send my unborn child flying out prematurely!

What sucks even more, is the fact that while pregnant, I cannot take anything to ease my symptoms! ARGH!!!

Please give me strength, so that I may get through this! I think I have quite enough to deal with right now!

No more! Please!

How the Stockmarket Works

Once upon a time in a place overrun with monkeys, a man appeared and announced to the villagers that he would buy monkeys for $10 each. The villagers, seeing that there were many monkeys around, went out to the forest, and started catching them.

The man bought thousands at $10 and as supply started to diminish, they became harder to catch, so the villagers stopped their effort.

The man then announced that he would now pay $20 for each one. This renewed the efforts of the villagers and they started catching monkeys again. But soon the supply diminished even further and they were ever harder to catch, so people started going back to their farms and forgot about monkey catching.

The man increased his price to $25 each and the supply of monkeys became so sparse that it was an effort to even see a monkey, much less catch one.

The man now announced that he would buy monkeys for $50! However, since he had to go to the city on some business, his assistant would now buy on his behalf.

While the man was away the assistant told the villagers. 'Look at all these monkeys in the big cage that the man has bought. I will sell them to you at $35 each and when the man returns from the city, you can sell them to him for $50 each.'

The villagers rounded up all their savings and bought all the monkeys. They never saw the man nor his assistant again and, once again, monkeys weren't worth anything.

Now you have a better understanding of how the stock market works.

Stress Free & Lost

For years, I have allowed myself to be totally consumed by stress. There was not a single day that went by without me chewing off the skins around my finger tips, or pulling out loose hairs from my head!

How lost I feel today!

With everything major out of the way, as everything has since been taken care of, I find myself completely lost without my old friend called "STRESS"!

Many would say: "Wow! That's great! Now you can finally relax!"

But what does it mean to relax?

I have never been one to sit idle for longer than 5 minutes! There is always something that needs to be done or something that needs to be taken care of. To relax, in my mind, means to waste time! I am not one to allow time to go by without some sort of positive action.

So here I am. It's Monday morning and I have absolutely nothing on my agenda. I have no calls to make, no one to argue with and no fear of anything major falling upon my shoulders.

I am lost!

There are only 25 days left before my 4th pregnancy comes to an end. Could it be??? Will I finally know what it means to enjoy the birth of my child without any stress to blanket him? Will I finally be able to breastfeed in complete calm and actually succeed at it, this time around?

I truly hope so! Only time will tell!

Prize Winning Advertisement

I'm sure that you have seen pharmaceutical advertising in a doctor's office on everything, from tissues, to exam table cover paper.

Well, in my book, this one should get the prize...

Wal*Mart Applicant revealed...

Below is an actual job application that this 75 year old senior citizen submitted to Wal*Mart in California . They hired him because he was funny.....



NAME: Kenneth Way (Grumpy Old Bastard)
SEX: Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least one who will cooperate).
DESIRED POSITION: Company President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.
DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.
EDUCATION: Yes.
LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.
PREVIOUS SALARY: A lot less than I'm worth.
MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.
REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.
HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.
PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.
DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment .
MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?
DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 lbs.?: Of what?
DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be 'Do you have a car that runs?'
HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes, so they tell me.
DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job - no! On my breaks - yes!
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde supermodel who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.
NEAREST RELATIVE: 7 miles
DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Oh yes, absolutely.

***Old People Rock! ***

Pregnancy Test

For a few weeks now, ever since my sister got her IUD pulled out, she has been hoping and trying to fall pregnant again. I guess she sees me on my 4th child and can't help but want another, just so that my nephew wouldn't grow up an only, lonely child!

I was at the pharmacy, when she called that she was on her way. She was coming over with my nephew to spend the day with all of us. She asked me if I could pick up a pregnancy test for her. I didn't think anything of this, as I was more than happy to know that she was trying to fall pregnant again!

When I got to the shelf, where all the pregnancy tests were displayed, I was immediately overwhelmed with the choices they had. Prices ranged from $10.00 all the way up to $30.00, depending on how accurate you wanted the test to be! They even had tests to measure a woman's fertility cycle! I couldn't get over how far our world has advanced in this area of medicine!

With the pharmacist counter right behind me, I proceeded to walk over and ask someone for help!

MB: "Excuse me? Could I please get some assistance?"

Pharmacist: "Sure Madame! How may I help you?"

MB: "Could you please tell me which one of these pregnancy tests is the most accurate, for its price?"

The pharmacist took a good look at me and responded...

"Go home, look in the mirror and save your money!"

I almost peed myself laughing!!!

It never dawned on me, how odd my question must have seemed, given my current condition!

It's Finally Done!

Over the past 2-3 weeks, I have been stressing out! I have been doing everything in my power to ensure that my son change, not only his school, but his school board too!

I am happy to announce that just yesterday, Monday, I got the call I was waiting for!

Starting today, my son will be sitting in his new classroom, in his new school!

I do not think I could have chosen a better school! It has an excellent reputation and it was referred to me by another parent, who works at our local YMCA as a councillor. I am so glad I took her advice!

School's Philosophy:
Students are given many opportunities to find their strengths and to grow intellectually, socially, emotionally, physically and morally as responsible members of a technological society who will possess skills, self-esteem and initiative.

Programs:
This school takes pride in its accelerated French Immersion program and they boast earning Math and Geography awards. Classes are equipped with computer programs and Internet access and we foster a true school community by promoting cooperation among cycles.

Their award winning Step-to-Success program enriches all students through stimulating bilingual projects catered to individual needs and interests. Their full time music specialist instills a love for music appreciation and the children enjoy participating in the annual music concerts. Their Science teacher arouses curiosity and prepares students for the Science convention. Their physical education program promotes team spirit, cooperation and physical fitness and is enriched with GMAA events, lunch hour team sports and the annual Jump Rope for Heart. Their librarian and team of parent volunteers welcome and assist children every day of the week.

Events/Activities:
They offer an Extended Day Program which includes homework tutorial and exciting extracurricular courses. The school is connected to the local YMCA and they offer support to local charities such as the local Food Bank.

Parental Participation:
Parents are committed to excellence and are exceptionally active through the Home and School, the Governing Board and the Parent Advisory Committee.

Services:
-Interactive lunch hour clubs
-Computerized library
-Educational outings
-Book fairs/visiting authors/artists
-Crisis intervention program
-Speech and language therapy
-Soutien linguistic intervention
-Hot lunch program
-Social services
-Academic Merit Awards
-Good Deed Certificates

Overall, I do not think I could have chosen a better school for my son!

I am looking forward to hearing how his first day went! I can only hope that this new change in his life will revive in him the WANT and EXCITEMENT to learn and excel!

It was a long and hard process, but it is finally done!

BIGGEST Surprise Ever!!!

Never in a million years would I have ever thought this day would come!

I found it somewhat odd that my sister sacrificed a DAY OFF to take me out shopping...as those days are sacred to her and she prefers to spend them with her own little family!

We left home about 11am and headed to Walmart! We took our time shopping and I truly made the best of this, my first day off away from the kids....in hell knows how long!

I bought my son some new clothes and some new PJs. I got a couple pairs of pants for youngest daughter, as I didn't have much her size after my first daughter, as she was her age and size during the summer months.

I spoiled myself to two pairs of shoes and bought myself a big frying pan! YAY!!!

Anyhow, we went to eat at the McDonald's inside the Walmart, as I was feeling a little faint, seeing I had not eaten yet all morning! I had a McChicken trio and 2 fajitas......this mama was HUNGRY! I ate it all, to my sister's surprise!!! LOL

We then returned shopping. It was only towards 2:30pm that I got a call from my husband telling me that he was sorry to bug me...but my youngest wasn't feeling well and he thought she might be running a fever! Needless to say, I knew my shopping spree was over, as I had to return home!

I was pissed! I will not lie! The only thing I could say was: "Leave hubby alone at home with the kids...and all goes to hell!" LOL

The Walmart was JAM PACKED! People were everywhere! I tried to hurry to get out of there and almost got into a fight with some woman who's ankle I accidentally hit with my shopping cart! She was cursing and cussing...I said SORRY, but I guess she didn't hear me, as she came and tapped me on the shoulder and said: "You could have at least said SORRY!" EEEEK!!! I guess she saw I was pregnant and knew it wouldn't have been a very good idea to punch my lights out, right there and then! She was really not happy............I kind of took a huge gulp and proceeded to get the hell out of that store before I pissed anyone else off!!!!

We get to the cashes.......line up at every single one!

There was a "Customer Service MANAGER" there, directing everyone! What pissed me off was that she could clearly see that I was pregnant...but not just a little! I wasn't feeling too well, as yet another anxiety spell came over me, as I just wanted to get home to my sick baby and our line was barely moving. I had to go sit myself down, as the world was spinning in my head!

We finally got to the cash, paid for everything and got the heck out of there! Congestion in the parking lot! We almost got assaulted by someone looking for a spare shopping cart!!!

It was a mad mad day! The drive home was painful! We seemed to hit every single red light! Cars were everywhere and drivers were nuts! I just wanted to get home in one piece!

We finally arrived! I could hear my youngest daughter crying! We unloaded the car and I looked up at my living room windows and saw my husband's nose sticking out. I thought to myself, YAY...he'll come down and help me with these bags...no such luck! Again, I was pissed!

As I made my way up the stairs, all I could think of was..."What a man...he saw how man bags I was carrying...why hasn't he come down to help me?"

I opened the door...

"SURRRRRPRISSSSSSE!!!!!"

My living room was filled with people!!! I was in shock!!!!

It was MY baby shower......MY FIRST BABY SHOWER!!!!

I NEVER suspected this! I had honestly given up any hopes of this day ever happening!!!

I got such beautiful gifts! I felt like a little girl at Christmas!!!

My mother-in-law truly outdid herself! I have no words to express how special she made me feel! I will not soon forget this day!

By 9pm, I was in bed! I was beyond exhausted!

What an absolutely wonderful day I had!

Long Awaited Outing!

I can't even begin to express how much I look forward to tomorrow!

After 3 weeks of continuous stress and anxiety attacks, I will be heading out shopping, with my sister, for the entire afternoon!

My dear husband will remain at home with the kids and I will be able to go alone and in peace!

I have not been out on my own since...Hmmm!

My sister and I, we will no doubt stop somewhere to eat like pigs and then make our way, at a turtle's pace, to a HUGE mall! Not one store will be ignored! Ok...perhaps a couple! Let's be realistic here...I am VERY pregnant! LOL

On my list of things I would like to buy:

-A big non-stick frying pan;
-A mini radio/CD player for my girls' room;
-Some pants for my youngest (seeing that her sister was her age during summer);

What about me? You may be asking yourself?

It's kind of hard to want to shop for yourself when you have absolutely no idea what will be left of your body after a 4th baby arrives! I am due in less than 5 weeks! To go out and buy myself a "new" maternity outfit would be somewhat pointless! I am not INTO very much! This is perhaps why my husband loves me so much! I am very easy on the wallet! Hahaha! Simplicity at its finest! I only buy what I NEED and can honestly feel guilty spending money on anything I WANT!

But not to worry! This mama will not forget herself this time around! I have even stated this to my husband, who just looked my way in sheer horror! I plan on having a slight selfish streak, once this newest and last baby is out of me! I plan on going shopping, filling up my wardrobe with very nice outfits and simply looking after my overall self! This will also include a regular visit to my hairdresser too!

I need to look after ME! I will do so by getting myself back in shape and by next summer, I think I will look mighty fine for a mama of 4!

I can hope, can't I!!! LOL

I have always put everyone else first! Such is the role of a mother.

I need to rediscover who I AM and once I have found myself again...

My husband will be the lucky man who will benefit of this the most!

I am sure he won't mind this change in me at all!

MEOOOOOOOOOOW!

Simply had to share this!

My youngest daughter can barely walk, steadily...
But boy, can she dance!
She's got rhythm too!

ANXIETY!

Yesterday, I could have sworn I would just collapse in the middle of no where!

I have struggled with anxiety attacks before, but not as bad as this time!

As I ran around, from this office to the next, I could feel the blood pumping through my entire body, at an alarming rate! My blood pressure was surely up, as I could honestly feel my heart trying to beat out of my ribcage!

My hands were hot and swollen, as my veins popped out, from all the blood circulating through them! I could barely catch my breath, as each breath I took seemed harder and harder to pass!

It wasn't until all my children were gone to bed, that I could finally exhale and feel my heart rate decreasing!

I truly hope that was the last time I have had to experience such a feeling!

Today marks the 35th week, of this my final and last pregnancy! I have done nothing but stress out through all of them! Here's hoping that I may enjoy the final 5 weeks in peace and without any stress!

YES! I do believe in pink elephants!

"Have Faith!" Is no different than saying: "Give Up!"

After I posted my last entry, I sat behind my computer and pondered about what I had just written.

It dawned on me, "Have Faith!" - two simple words often heard and said by others...

I thought about all the people in my life who have ever uttered those words and it just hit me...

They were basically saying: "Give Up!"

To have faith in anything, is no different than placing control of a situation into unknown hands!

I was never the type to simply roll over and play dead, allowing others to walk all over me!

I am a firm believer that if you want anything done right and done NOW, you had better take care of it yourself!

Yesterday morning, I checked my inbox and to no surprise of mine, there was not a single response to be found, coming from my ex nor his folks! I decided to not allow this to bring me down and took a proactive attitude towards this entire kakamimi situation! I made a few phone calls, trying so desperately to remain positive and...

EUREKA! A glimmer of hope came shining down upon me!

It appears that there might be another way around this bureaucratic bull shit! I spoke directly with the lady in charge of the records department in BC and she stated that, had the Montreal School Board sent her more information on my son and the fact that these documents were needed for him to attend school, she would have released them in a heartbeat!

According to her, she simply received a formal letter requesting those files with absolutely no explanation attached!

OH LORD!!!

I asked her what information would she need, in order to release those documents and she simply said: "A copy of your son's birth certificate, showing the father's name in question!" But it would have to be sent to her by fax, from the Montreal School Board's office!

Holy Jesus!!! That's ALL???

I immediately called my aunt and asked her to come over and watch over my girls. I then hopped into a taxi cab and made my way straight to the school board, with the information in hand!

Papers were drawn up, copied and faxed. I signed a few doted lines and I was given a new school registration form, with phone numbers of all available school in our district. I was told to call whichever one I wanted, to see if they had room for one more student!

I phoned the school I picked out and sure enough, they had room! I went straight there, signed my son up (pending the arrival of those important documents from BC) and left with a bunch of papers pertaining to this new school's rules and regulations.

If all goes well and things are the way they should be, those documents should arrive by today and will be immediately filed with the ministry and by Monday or Tuesday of next week, my son will be sitting in his new class!

"Have Faith!"...NEVER!

If you want something done...

DO IT YOURSELF!

I will leave faith to the spineless ones with weak constitutions!


Additional Note:

My son is completely unaware of all of this! I am so looking forward to seeing the look on his face, when I will finally be able to share the good news with him! The school I have chosen for him is French Immersion. He will still be learning French, but without the added pressure of things being strictly in French! Just the other day, my son was punished for speaking English on school grounds! He had to rewrite his "Code de vie" 6 times as a consequence! In this new school, 60% of his classes will be in French and 40% in English. Should he have a question or need to voice a concern, he will be free to express himself in either French or English, without fear of repercussions! I truly believe that this alone, will do wonders for my son!

In addition to him changing schools, I will also enroll him in the after school program, given at our local YMCA! He will be able to participate in many different sports, make new friends and create a social circle of his own! The most amazing part of this is, each day after class, 2 councillors from the YMCA walkover to the school and pick up kids, who are enrolled in this after school program and bring them straight to the YMCA! We will only have to worry about my son after 6pm each day - Monday through Friday!

I truly do hope that all of these new events will change my son's attitude towards life in general! He is such a good boy, he deserves to finally be happy!

"Have faith!"

What would you do, if you knew that your child's future and well being lay in the hands of another? How helpless would you feel?

Yesterday's day is better left forgotten, as I spent this day completely destroyed emotionally, as my nerves slowly consumed me!

I got a call from the English School Board, letting me know that my son's file is at a standstill! They were unable to retrieve my son's biological father's school records.

The one and only person who can do so, is a man I have known to be quite the procrastinator and never took anything of importance seriously! Note: It's not for nothing this man is my "EX".

I emailed him, basically begged him, to call the office and to get the necessary documents out of archives. I even went as far as emailing his folks, so that they too could be aware of this important request!

Imagine my lack of surprise, when I logged onto my computer, this early morning...

NO RESPONSE!

For over 10 years, I have left this man to be. Never asked him for a single dime in child support, NOTHING! He was able to move on with his life, happy as can be. He remarried, has 4-5 children and not once have I bothered him for anything...except now!

Will he pull through? Will he understand the importance of my request? Only time will tell, I suppose! But time is ticking away! The month of September is quickly coming to an end...

If my son is to change schools and school boards, he has to do it soon! Or else, the longer it takes, the harder it will be for him to catchup and to adjust to a new system!

I am worried sick!

All that stands in the way of my son's future and well being, is a simple phone call and $10.00 for administrative fees!

How can I find peace of mind, when I know too well the person who's got my son's future at his mercy?

What will I do if he doesn't call? What then?

"Have faith!" I've been told!

"FAITH!"

My due date might have only been a suggestion!

With the way I have been feeling lately, I doubt it highly if I will make it to the end of my pregnancy!

My belly has dropped dramatically and every day tasks and chores are getting harder for me to handle!

I feel extreme stretching in my lower pelvic area and at times I get a massive jab of pain, almost as if someone took an icepick and rammed it up between my legs!

One thing that I am truly grateful for, is the fact that I have not yet started feeling lower back pains! They can honestly cripple a person, rendering them completely useless!

I would welcome giving birth earlier than expected, but there is only one thing that worries me about this; I have not yet reached the "safe zone" and should I go into labour anytime before the next 2-3 weeks, my baby will no doubt be kept in the hospital, in an incubator, until doctors think he is ready to go home!

Only 37 days left to go! Tic Toc Tic Toc...

My Son's Lesson - Hopefully Understood!

This morning, as I went through my son's school bag - trying to find room to place his lunch bag, I stumbled on a loose piece of paper which my son used to make a series of drawings. As innocent as they might have appeared to me, had anyone else seen them, my son would have found himself in a great deal of trouble!

Those drawings were of assault riffles, M16s and various other armed weapons.

I called my son into the kitchen and did I ever let him have it!

I asked him what ever possessed him to make such drawings? He knows damn well I have never liked guns and never allowed for him to play with them, even if they were innocent cap guns!

He stood there in silence.

I tried my best to recap all the recent gun related murders that happened on school grounds. I explained to him the severity of these actions and how many families' lives have been forever changed.

I even went as far as going onto "Google Images" to search for the most gruesome photos I could find. I wanted to show my son proof, for his own eyes, how terrible guns are and what they do to people who come face to face with them!

I hopefully made him understand that, although his drawings were innocent, others might not see them the same way. If caught, his teacher would no doubt bring him to the Principal's attention, I would get called into school and psychological testing would probably be demanded!

These days, with so many violent related events, no one will take anything lightly!

I demanded my son to ensure that such drawings were NEVER reproduced!

In this day and age, I find it absolutely deplorable that some parents still allow their children to play with guns and point them at their friends' heads and happily say: "POW! You're dead!"

If there is anyone that should have that gun placed to their head...it's the parent who placed it in their child's hand!

Potpourri - A little of everything all at once!

-Since we moved into this upper duplex, my son has gotten into the habit of waking up at all hours of the night. When caught, his excuses range from having to go to the bathroom to he couldn't sleep, as a nightmare woke him up! Sometimes he gets away with it, but come morning, we know damn well he's been up! We watch the news on channel 50 before we head off to bed and we know my son's been up if the channel is left on "Teletoons" upon turning the TV on in the morning!
I think I may know why he is waking up! Ever since his nightlight burnt out, he hasn't been himself! This may sound strange, but in a lot of ways, I think that this may be the problem! Perhaps if I got him a new nightlight, this entire situation will come to an end!

-My youngest daughter has this thing where she simply has to scream all the time! If that isn't bad enough, my second oldest encourages her, as she too joins in the fun! It can truly drive a parent batty! The only way she stops, is when I pick her up and carry her around! I do not want this to become a habit, as once our newest arrives, I can't have the two of them in my arms!!! I do not know what to do about this?! If I let her scream...she screams! I have tried punishing her, by putting her to bed and closing the bedroom door - trying to make her realize that if this is what she wants to do, she can do it all she wants, but I do not have to listen to it! But it only makes her scream even more and with the current situation, with our beloved neighbours below, I truly do not need "Child Protective Services" at my front door!

-No matter what time I go to bed, it never fails...I am up and on my feet at 3:30am! I think I may know why?! At this hour, everyone else is still sleeping. I have peace! I may enjoy my coffee and need not worry about anything else! Except perhaps waking up hubby, while walking over old creaking wooden floors, as I make my way to and from the bathroom/kitchen! This mama needs her alone time too! If 3:30am is to be that time, so be it!

-I am starting to seriously wonder how things will be, once our newest arrives? Will I become a nervous wreck each time he wakes up crying? How many times will I find myself waking up in the middle of the night, making a dash to pick him up quickly, just so that he doesn't wake up the rest of the family? We live in a VERY SMALL place! Noise travels rather quickly throughout these walls!
I can only pray for two things:
1- For my husband to have nerves of steel and be able to handle my two daughters, should they too wake up crying, due to all the commotion, at all hours of the night!
2- For him to take some time off work and be home for the first 3 months, or until our newest falls into a normal sleeping pattern with the rest of us!

-I am so looking forward to seeing what is left of my body after baby #4 arrives! I know for a fact that I have lost a great deal of weight, as my maternity clothes are floating on me! I laugh, as I honestly look as if I am wearing "MC HAMMER" pants! I get up on the scale and cannot believe that I have only put on 15 pounds since the beginning! There are just 5 weeks left before I am due to deliver. I doubt it highly if I will gain another 10-15 pounds during this time, as 25-30 pounds of weight gain was my norm with all other pregnancies. I am truly anxious and cannot wait to have my old body back, with all of its normal functions!

-We have yet to figure out who will help us once I do go into labour?! What will happen with our 3 other kids? Who will watch over them while I am in the hospital giving birth, with my husband by my side? I have asked my aunt, but she responded that she would help, only if I went into labour between 9am and 9pm! This coming from a middle aged woman who has never had a child! I don't even think she knows how to change a diaper!!! I have asked my mother, but at 76 years of age, I cannot expect her to be in tip top shape and be able to handle 2 wee-ones who need constant attention! I have asked my sister, but she basically responded that she would help too, but only if I gave birth on one of her days off!

*SIGH*

It appears to me that the only thing we can do, is to take care of our own! To depend on anyone else is truly pointless! When that "joyful" (painful) day arrives, I will have my husband drop me off at the hospital and he will simply return home with the kids and wait for my call that everything is over and done with!

Besides, it's not as if he will be missing much! After 2 consecutive deliveries, I think he already knows what will go on!

No novelty there!

Saint Simonac! Calvaire! Colisse!

"Quelle bande de sans-dessin!"

These are the only words I could find to express how I feel this week!

I am in serious disbelief at how many morons surround us these days!

I have been more than patient this week, as I await news from the English Montreal School Board, on the status of my son's file!

I must have called them once or twice a day, left messages, only to sit at home like a total idiot, waiting for them to call back with some news! ANY news!

I got so fed up of waiting, I decided to take my girls out for a walk and sure enough, that's when they called! At least the woman had the decency to leave me a detailed message! With office hours closed, I would have tossed and turned all night, wondering what the call was about!

As per the message, my son's file is presently at a standstill, as they are awaiting documents to be faxed to their office from WAY out West!

The lady in charge of my son's file said, she had no choice but to contact my son's biological father, through my ex in-laws, in order to get them to get my ex to fax her a copy of HIS birth certificate, so that she may have proof that he is indeed a Canadian Citizen!

WTF??? She truly went all out to stir up a real hornet's nest!

My son's birth certificate clearly writes...

-Name of mother....
-Place of birth....Quebec

-Name of father....
-Place of birth....ALBERTA!

Now correct me if I am wrong, but the last time I checked...

Alberta was in Canada and NOT in HONDURAS!!!!!!!!

Anything to stall matters! Why not?!

No one cares that my son is struggling! No one cares that his teacher has been ragging on him, ever since she spoke to me over the telephone! No one cares that my son returns home crying each day, as some little shit in his class put him down once again! No one cares that he is on the verge of a serious depression! No one cares that he cannot sleep well at night, as he wakes up continuously due to nightmares!

NO ONE CARES!!!!!!!!!!

I am just about ready to explode and those who know me know...
It ain't gonna be pretty!

My aunt would love nothing more than to be by my side when that faithful day arrives! She too has had quite enough and if we both go there in person...many people's heads will roll!

I do not understand why it has to come to this? To have to become so consumed with rage and actually explode, to get anything done right these days!

People complain and complain about how hard their work is and how stressed out they are all the time...

DO YOUR FUCKING JOB PROPERLY and everything else will fall into place smoothly!

Another week lost to complete idiocy!

Keeping fingers crossed that next week someone will discover they have a few more watts in their head and will get something done right for a change!

"Cristie! Tabarslaque! Ciboire!"

I do not know what more to say! Oh wait...

"Ostie!"

Anxiety

I am a passenger, sitting helplessly inside a fast moving car, while it drives up a steep hill! My fingers are crossed and I can only pray, that any oncoming vehicle knows to remain in its own lane!

The fear of the unknown, to not be able to see what is up ahead, simply drives me insane! It's not for nothing that today, I find myself always wanting to know everything RIGHT NOW, as opposed to later!

When someone replies: "I don't know!" I can honestly suffer a conniption and could easily snap by replying:
"Well then find someone who does!!!"

My mother has often made comment, that she has absolutely no idea where I got this edge to my personality! She says that I can honestly kill a person with my words and my actions always seem louder than anything she's ever known or witnessed!

This coming from a woman who has allowed the entire world to crap on her head, for the last 76 years of her life!

This is not me! Never will it be!

I am not a nasty person. I simply have endured enough bullshit in my life to know, I do not need to put up with anymore! I stand up for what I know is right and I will most certainly fight against all that is wrong - especially if my family is involved!

A while back, I suffered terribly with anxiety attacks. The feeling of being trapped in a tiny box, with little to no air to breathe, as the walls slowly close in on you. My heart would race at such speeds, I could honestly hear it beating within the canals of my ears! To swallow, something most take for granted, became such a task for me, as my mouth would become dry and I truly felt as if I would ingest my own tongue at any given moment!

That was then, but I fear it might slowly be coming back!

I have a great load upon my shoulders. It never seems to fail, whenever I think things are finally settling, something or someone always has to come along and stir my pot once again!

I am edgy, I will admit. I continuously have an ear to the ground, to hear what may be coming up ahead! I find myself being ready for anything that may spring up. Not for nothing I do not know the meaning of the word "Relax"! My mind and body never cease to wind down, as I am ready for "GO!", even when I am sleeping!

This is probably why no one seems to worry about me, as they assume I have everything under control and have the capacity to deal with just about anything, face first! Little do they realize, the toll it is slowly taking on me.

I am tired! I am honestly tired of dealing with morons on a daily basis! I am exhausted of having to fight continuously, for what should be right in the first place! I am at my wits end and could truly use a break, a vacation of body and mind!

Sadly enough, at this stage of the game, it is far too late to call upon "Calgon" to take me away!

The only way peace of mind would finally be mine, is if I fell into a very deep coma!

A Mother's Determination

A mother will do just about anything for her child/ren! No matter the cost, no matter the obstacles, things will get done!

For almost 4 years, my son has been put through a lot more than any other child I know! He was forced to move out from the only home he knew! He was uprooted from a city he had just begun to appreciate and found himself relocated to unfamiliar territory.

He lost many friends during this process and had no choice than to make new ones. It wasn't easy for him, being the little Anglo kid that he is, as this new neighbourhood had absolutely no place for anyone who was different!

He was forced into the first school available and this is where his torment began! He was picked on daily by other students and found himself bullied from all sides. Even his teacher, a right wing block Québécois fanatic, gave him reason to hate being in his own skin! He spent his entire 2nd grade feeling like an outcast and undesired by all who surrounded him!

He graduated into 3rd grade by a hair! Needless to say, his previous teacher would have loved nothing more than to have seen him fail! During that year, my son was able to make a few friends, but most still bullied him. I caught him bringing toys to school and returning home empty handed. He found himself having to bribe bullies, in order for them to simply leave him alone! He struggled daily for acceptance. It became his one and only mission, as his studies began to suffer!

He barely made it through that year! His grades were so low, the school had decided it was best that my son join a special class, mixed with students of 3rd & 4th grade levels. He seemed to be doing better, but the taunting and bullying, outside of class, never stopped!

I found myself having to see his principal at least once a week! I think I could draw a detailed map of that man's office! It never failed, something would always happen and my son would be involved! It got to a point I simply could not tolerate it anymore! When would it stop?

It was upon speaking with the director of the school, that a thin beam of light appeared before me! My son was not the problem and his principal agreed! It was the school, its district and the "type" of students that filled this school's walls!

According to the principal himself, this school was filled with students that came from unprivileged homes. Children who were exposed daily to drug abuse, alcohol abuse and physical abuse! Low-income homes, with single mothers on welfare, changing boyfriends like they did underwear! No stability! No discipline! No care in this world! Those kids were being thrown out the door, like alley cats and pushed into the streets, so that their mothers could continue with their lives!

It's not for nothing my son fell victim! He was different from all of them! He came from a good home, with both a mother and a father! He had manners, discipline and not a single fiber of violence in his body! Sure he was picked on, as he knew not how to defend himself!

Trying to teach a child - especially a young boy, is already a task in itself, without having to add to this the pressures of struggling to fit into a place you simply do not belong!

How can anyone expect any child to succeed? It is virtually impossible!

For the last 3 years, this continuous bullying took its toll and my son's grades truly started slipping! I pleaded with the school to give him some sort of backup or support with his schooling, but their mentality was such, that it was "Swim or Drown"! It was as plain and simple as that! It was obvious to me that no matter how hard my son tried, he would never excel! Because of this ignorance, I started to contemplate removing my son, not only from his school, but from the French Educational System all together!

I contacted the English School Board and requested information on HOW to get my son into their system. What did I need in order to make this change possible? They told me he would be accepted, in a heartbeat, if I could only provide some proof, that his biological father attended English school!

My heart stopped beating!

This was not an easy request, as I had not spoken, nor have I seen my son's biological father in over 9 years! They were truly sending me out on a wild goose chase! Without the help of a private investigator, I honestly saw no hope in ever finding this man! I really could not afford it, as the cost involved would have truly ruined my family's life!

I felt as if I had failed my son! To see him suffer continuously, truly broke my heart! No mother wishes such a life for ANY of her children!

This year, in early April, we moved away from that godforsaken city and returned to more familiar grounds in Montreal. What a true blessing this was for all of us! We were finally surrounded by "NORMAL" people! My son entered a new school, mid-year, and things started to feel somewhat normal again.

Only one problem remained...

Due to the 3 years my son had spent in his last school - filled with delinquents, where the standard of education was BELOW normal, he found himself entering into another school, here in Montreal, where the standard of education was much HIGHER! This sent my son flying, face down, to the ground! He really found himself in quite the pickle and if he didn't work hard enough, he would inevitably fail!

I took the time to speak to his teacher, his principal and BEGGED them both not fail my son! I explained his situation and even got the principal from his old school to contact them, to confirm my allegations!

A few more months went by and my son passed into his 5th grade, but barely! He still had quite a deal of catching up to do and it gravely showed! I tried to keep hope, but something deep down told me, this was it, he cannot keep holding on by a hair! This would finally be the year he would indeed fail! Barely 2 weeks into his new school year, his first test came home and confirmed what I had feared! Zeros scored, all the way down the page!

I was at my wits end! I was very disappointed and hurt from deep within me! No amount of studying could ever bring my son back up to speed! I failed him! I ruined his future forever!

Not an easy thing for a mother to admit to herself! I felt like such a failure, as I failed my son tremendously!

One day, I logged onto my "Facebook" account and curiosity got the better of me. I simply typed in my ex's name and...

EUREKA!!! There he was!

For me, this was no different than winning the 6/49 Jackpot! Finally, I was able to contact this man, after 10 years and get the bloody information I needed, in order to end my son's suffering!

He responded by giving me the information I needed and I immediately contacted the Montreal English School Board and got the ball rolling!

My son's days of suffering will soon be over! It is just a matter of a couple of weeks and my son will finally be free!

NO MORE FRENCH SCHOOLS!

There truly is a GOD!