Religion - A freedom of choice! For whom?

For the longest time, I have been hounded and pressured by family members, to finally get both my daughters baptised!

I was born in a Roman Catholic home and as such, I was baptised a few months after birth, had my communion at age 7 and my confirmation at age 10. You can say that all of the above was merely a part of tradition, as none of my family members went to church and no one was ever found praying, on their knees before bed, at night!

I remember as a child, my mother taught my sister and I a single prayer. Surprisingly, I still remember each word and can say it without missing a single syllable. This prayer was in Polish and went something like this:

"Aniele Boże Stróżu mój, Ty zawsze przy mnie stój. Rano, wieczór, we dnie, w nocy; bądź mi zawsze ku pomocy".

There was more to it, but I suppose my mother wanted to simplify things for our little minds at the time!

As I grew older, I truly started to question my beliefs and could not understand how so much harm could come my way, when I prayed and prayed for someone to watch over me and to keep me away from all the hurt I was suffering at the time!

It was after the death of my father that I basically realized...
What a crock of sh*t!

I started to read up on various religions, their "beginnings", and came to realize their "real" significance. It was clear to me, it was all just a huge scam!

To think, many wars are fought because of religion! So many millions of people have died or committed suicide for their beliefs! How odd and how strange! Are people really that stupid? I can only assume so!

Today, I do not believe in any religion! Born and raised Roman Catholic, yet I believe that the entire purpose of religion is to simply "guide" people (like cattle) in order for them to remain good people and fear a higher power, keeping them tamed and away from trouble! I already do this on my own, on a daily basis. No help needed - Thanks!

If you read about religion in the medieval times, you will come to realize that back then, our world was ruled by churches and what they said or decided was LAW, punishable by death, should someone not comply! Makes you truly wonder where our society would be today, if this was the case now?!

I normally do not like to discuss such a controversial subject, such as this, but recent events have sparked a great deal of anger within me and I simply had to let it out!

After many months of pressure tactics from various family members, I finally decided to get my daughters baptised and even found suitable God-Parents. Everything was ready to go...so I thought!

Upon arriving at the church, I was handed a couple of forms (one for each daughter) and was asked to fill them out. The date was chosen and I looked forward to finally getting this out of our way! I was handed an envelope which contained a bunch of papers with a booklet and was told to read it before I was to come to two (2) separate meetings, on two (2) separate dates, before the baptisms were to take place!

Confused, hot and tired, I simply took this envelope and headed home. It was upon opening this envelope and reading its content that I simply turned ill!

During the course of that day, I simply couldn't believe what I had read. It was eating me from the inside out and I couldn't wait until my husband got home to discuss this matter at hand.

Baptism - Its purpose: To rid every born child of the original sin, in order to be accepted into the Kingdom of God!

What kind of bull sh*t is that?

Children, babies, the most innocent of creatures on this planet...already tagged and plagued sinners? "They need to be cleansed of their sins"? WHAT SINS??? For passing through a woman's virgina and taking a first breath?

I was beyond myself! I could not believe this crap! To add to this, we were told that we must attend two (2) meetings, in order to discuss our choice and our views on this joyous upcoming event in our children's lives!

Our choice! Our views! What about our daughters? Do they not have a right to decide? Do they not have a choice or their own views?

Later on that evening, after the children have gone to bed, my husband and I we came to a decision...

We will not force anything upon our children! Religion and one's beliefs should be a personal choice, not one to be made by others.

One day, should our children feel the need to find themselves through religion, we will be behind them 210%...but it will be done by their own freedom of choice!

This was not the case for my son! I had him baptised when he was barely a year old. Back then, my family made me believe that my son would go to "HELL" if I did not comply! He was conceived out of wedlock and from the get go, was flagged the "bastard child"! By getting him baptised, my family claimed that this would be the only way that I could redeem myself and my son, by seeking forgiveness from God for all of my sins!

Looking back at it now...BOY WAS I STUPID for believing them!

I should have sent my entire family packing to this so called "HELL", equiped with a pic-nic basket!

The Enabler!

Anyone who knows me knows that my childhood has plagued me with a constant need to be accepted, acknowledged and appreciated.

While growing up, it never failed, no matter how much good I could do for my family, nothing would ever change their views of me. I was pinned the "Devil's Child", the "Black Sheep" and just basically grew up knowing I would never have a place within my family, no matter how hard I tried!

I can honestly remember going places with my mother and running into some of her acquaintances, only to be left for dead on the sidelines, without any introductions. Everyone knew of my older sister and my younger brother...but who the heck was I?

"And who's this?" the woman would ask.

"Oh HER! She's my other daughter!" my mother would respond.

What came next, were words that simply proved it all...

"Oh really?! I didn't know you had another daughter!" the woman expressed with great surprise and confusion.

How do you think I felt, the young child that I was, to hear such a response?

Is there any wonder how I could have possibly have wanted for my life to end, back in those days?!

Why was I even there? Why was I even born?

Many years have gone by since that time in my life and I have since carved my own road in life, through high mountains and across the deepest oceans. I have surmounted a great deal of obstacles, both emotional and physical, to get where I am today. I can only pat myself on the back for having been so strong, as many would have ended their days, long before I could!

I will be the first to admit that my childhood plays a great role in my life today. No matter what I do, no matter what I take on, I am always seeking approval, acknowledgement and appreciation! This is something I never could get from my own family and I must admit...I am starving for it now!

Today, the tables have turned. My dear mother, now aged 76, finds a constant need to be close to me and to depend on me, as none of my other siblings care enough to help her out or to be there for her when she needs it most.

This is the situation I find myself in today:

My younger brother, now aged 30, has never left home! He still lives with my mother, in a modest upper duplex, just 5 minutes away from me.

My aging mother has been sheltering him, feeding him and basically supporting him all of these years.

My brother works full-time, yet he doesn't contribute to anything in that home!

My mother is alone to pay the rent, the utilities, the food and everything else, while only receiving a seniors' pension from the government and her retirement income.

Quite often, I have to put up with my mother's cries, how she has no food and not a dime to spare for anything!

At 76 years of age, my mother has burned all of her bridges, has found herself owing more money to people than she can possibly afford to repay and has been caught stealing from various local shops in our neighbourhood - finding herself banned for life from any store within walking distance from her home!

I am a stay-at-home mother of 3 and pregnant with my 4th child. My husband is our family's only bread winner!

It is hard enough making it by with only one income, to now add to this, having to help my mother out financially or buy her groceries on a weekly basis!

My brother has money! But what does with his money is buy fancy designer clothes, watches, jewellery and he even manages to take vacations down south all the time!

He recently returned home from yet another trip to Mexico - His 3rd trip in a matter of just 9 months this year!

The last time he left town, I had to care for my mother for 2 weeks! I had to buy her food and make sure she had enough money to cover her medications! My brother took off, once again, to roast his nuts on some beaches in Mexico and left my mother to die without a care in this world!

I have spoken to my mother several times about my sheer disgust with him, yet she defends him and says: "He does help out!"

"Yeah right!" said the little man IN MY EYE!!!

My mother simply doesn't want to be alone and I guess this is the price she is willing to pay! But what irks me the most is the fact that MY FAMILY has to suffer and fall victim to my brother's sheer indifference!

I am at my wits end. I can only count down the days until my brother leaves, yet again, for Mexico! This time he claims he will be gone for a period of 6 months!

Thanks to the many times I have come to my mother's aid, I have basically created my own nightmare! What I have noticed, sad but true, is that my mother has a certain way of placing a huge cloud of guilt over my head, whenever I tell her that I cannot help anymore!

In the past, this has worked like a charm and my mother always got what she needed (wanted) out of me, as she knew...no one else would!

Well, no more!

Am I being a bad daughter, by finally putting my foot down? Am I truly as evil as my entire family has painted me out to be throughout my childhood?

I WAS the enabler! Because of my continuous help and support, I enabled my brother to do all that he does, as he knew I would always be there for my mother, no matter what! He went about his ways, without a care in this world, knowing all along that I would pick up the pieces and mend my mother back together!

I can't anymore and I won't anymore!

It is my turn to take a vacation, away from this situation, as I have done more than enough harm to everyone with my goodness!

Sadly enough, no matter how much good I have done in the past, up until now, it will all be erased and forgotten, as I said: "No more!"

"The Devil's Child" has returned!

Life! What a sad place indeed!

Primo's wife got news on Monday, that no chemo therapy could ever save her at this stage of what's left of her life!

How sad this must be indeed, to know that your days are numbered and at any moment, at any time...you'll be leaving this world and all of those you care for the most behind, in sheer sadness!

It's true what they say: "Only the good die young!"

Why is that? Why is it that someone so evil, could live to be a hundred...yet a good person leaves us all, prematurely and with such deep sorrow?

I know why! It has something to do with the heart and how one chooses to use it!

Evil people have this "I don't give a shit about anything or anyone" approach to life, therefor their hearts never skip a beat! Their hearts never stress and never suffer any damage!

Good people, on the other hand, care too much! They care so much about everything and everyone, that this weight simply falls upon their hearts and they take on more than they can handle without flinching once!

You cannot die of cancer! You die of complications associated with it!

It's only a matter of months or even weeks, that this good woman will leave us all!

It is very sad indeed and I truly do not look forward to this day!

How would your life change if you knew you had but a few weeks to live?

Would it matter what your past holds? Would it matter if some didn't like you or appreciate you? Would anything else matter?

Nothing matters anymore!

We should all take example of this and try to make the best of every waking hour we are blessed with! We should thank our luckiest of stars for the life we were given and make the best of each day...no matter how hard it may seem at the moment!

Dominica is prime example of this! Thanks to her soul, I cannot allow the little petty stuff to bother me, as in the end...it truly doesn't matter!

What goes around comes around...

It's almost 10:30pm and I just managed to sit down and relax!

Today was one very busy day for me, as I cooked, cleaned and even squeezed in some time to prepare yet another wonderful dinner for my neighbours and for my own little army. Bath time came and went. Girls said their good nights and headed off to La La Land. With nothing more to do, I decided to go back over to the neighbour's place to see how everyone was doing.

Emilia is leaving tomorrow for Chile, after having spent close to 2 1/2 months away from her own family, looking after her ill mother. She is such a wonderful woman. I will truly miss her!

I wanted to do something special, just for her, so I brought down my "French Manicure" kit and gave her a salon treatment! She hasn't seen her husband in a very long time, so she wanted to make sure she arrived home looking mighty fine for her hubby!

I left my son to watch the fort, as both girls were safe and long gone in a deep sleep. During this time, my son had a little fiesta of his own! He raided the cupboards and fridge, leaving but crumbs behind!

One thing I noticed right away, was the empty milk jug on the counter! He polished off every single drop of milk we had at home! What will we do tomorrow morning, as not an ounce was spared for coffee?!! We do have "Coffeemate"...but...PIUK!

My husband wouldn't return home until way past 12:30am and the last thing I wanted was for him to have to run to the local Couch Tard (7/11) to pick up some milk, as I am sure all he would be thinking of is sleep!

I called the neighbours and simply asked if they could spare a cup of milk to tie us over until the morning...

No more than 10 minutes later, I had 6 liters of milk delivered to me at our front door!

It's true what they say...

"What goes around, comes around!"

It truly does pay to be good towards others!

Happiness is the best revenge!

In my previous post, I wrote about an episode I recently had with my beloved neighbour from below! I also wrote that this wasn't the first time I have had to deal with this crazy woman, as since we've moved in, she has found many reasons to argue with us!

To put it quite simply, we feel as if we have moved on top of the Gestapo Headquarters!

Trying our best to live our own lives, it never fails...our neighbours below simply have far too much time on their hands and choose to disturb us with stupidities!

They complain about the way we place our garbage can! If it is not placed in a straight line, directly behind theirs...they suffer a conniption!

On Mondays, when the city picks up every one's recycling...we are NOT allowed to place ANYTHING in their bins, not even a piece of paper, as according to them...we should go to the city and get our own bin!

We are NOT allowed to sit outside our front doorstep, as according to them, this is their balcony (which they are paying rent for) and we simply have a "voie de passage" into our own upper part of the duplex!

We are also NEVER allowed to step foot in the backyard, as this is their space (which they are paying rent for) and if I happen to drop something off my balcony while hanging up laundry, or one of my little girls happens to throw something over it, I have to call them and ASK them for PERMISSION to go down and retrieve the items!

I can go on and on here...but what's the point?!

My husband and I, we have discussed a possible move out of here, but what would that accomplish? NOTHING! It would simply give those idiots below us great satisfaction in knowing they have uprooted an entire family!

They are quite simply a miserable bunch and the best revenge we could possibly get is to simply go about our lives, live and let live, laugh out loud, have fun, have parties and show those yahoos that they will never get the better of us!

So who wants to come over and party? Let's all dance together until the plaster falls off their ceiling below!

Hahahahahahahahahahhaha!!!!

City Water vs. Acid Rain

Just the other day, after I returned home from a joyful time spent at the park with my 3 kids, I decided it was far time that I watered my exterior flowers, as they looked on the verge of dying!

Satisfied that this chore of love was finally accomplished, I returned inside to join my little family, who were all very anxious for supper to be ready!

5-10 minutes later, my doorbell rang and I went to see who it was...

My beloved neighbour from below, once again! She felt the need to educate me, that late afternoon, on the adverse effects of city water!

She was somewhat ticked off that I had wet her car, which was packed in the driveway!

The neighbour went on to say that city water contains far too much chlorine and every time I would water my flowers and this water would happen to fall on her car, little white spots would immediately appear, causing great damage to her car's paint and freshly applied wax job!

Note: Her car is no Rolce Royce and it looks as if it has seen better days - passenger mirror taped up in place so it wouldn't fall off, scratches all over, etc...

I asked her...and rain? What do you do when it rains? Do you cover your car with a huge plastic tarp?

She saw I wasn't amused with her accusations and proceeded to tell me not to take any of what she is saying in a bad way! She simply would like for me to ring her door each time I would water my flowers, so that she could be there to make sure I would NOT wet her car!

Needless to say, that evening - once my girls have gone to bed, my son and I we ventured outside and uprooted all of our flowers! Two bags later...PROBLEM WAS SOLVED! With everything else going on in my life, I truly did not need this shit!

It's truly unbelievable! Can someone be THAT miserable in their life, to go as far as starting an argument with their peaceful neighbour over a few drops of water on their car???

This is not the first time I've had to deal with this crazy woman! I find it absolutely ironic that she should choose to ring my door each time my husband wasn't home! Lord knows if he were, he would have ripped her open a new asshole in a second!

After this incident, it dawned on me...what water does she use to wash her car? Holy water? Evian?

*SIGH OF SHEER FRUSTRATION*

I guess there simply is no cure for STUPID!

A Special Post for Ghost!

I knew this song since I was about 5-6 years old and never quite forgot it! I just don't know why?!! I guess it had to do with the way my music teacher taught the kids in her class - with a meter long ruler *SMACK* onto our desks, when we weren't being serious!!! LOL

I sang it to my family just the other day, while we were in the car and they just all stared at me with this look...

"Mom's gone looney!"

Hahahahahaha!!!!

Off Air

28 weeks have gone by!

I can't believe how fast time has flown!

It seems like just yesterday that we found out I was pregnant once more!

At a time when our world was falling apart, news of this newest pregnancy could not have come at a worse time for us!

Filing for bankruptcy and knowing fully that the bank would repossess our home...needless to say, we weren't too certain as to what our future held for us as a family!

28 weeks later, with only 10-12 weeks to go before our 4th baby will arrive, I am happy to say that our lives have settled quite well!

We aren't out of the woods yet, as my husband still has not found a job we could call "secure", but never-the-less...we are all well, healthy and happy! This is all that matters in the end!

Money comes and goes! The bank may have taken away our home, our vehicle and everything else we owned...but one thing they could never take possession of is our family!

Come hell or high water, we will survive, as we have eachother!

A Helping Hand - In times when we need it most!

A while back, I wrote about "Givers vs. Takers". It comes to no surprise that I would have something more to share about this subject, as our world has not changed since I wrote it and I doubt it ever will!

I wanted to take this time to share a little story about giving, in hopes that it would inspire someone else out there (even if just one person) to start giving - creating a new circle of goodness which will hopefully travel throughout this world we live in today.

April 1st, we moved from our house in Lachute, Quebec, back to Montreal after having been away from my family for almost 3 years! We found ourselves a quaint little upper duplex and we truly lucked out on its price and the fact that the landlord was a very trusting man and did not want to bother with a bunch of paperwork and credit checks! This was awesome for us, as just a few weeks prior, my husband had filed for bankruptcy and both our credit scores were somewhat left to be desired! We basically lost everything we had to our names!

I was extremely happy to be back on home turf again and as much as I missed our old house and our comfort, nothing gave me more joy than to know that I was only 5 minutes away from my aging mother (as opposed to being an hour away by car in Lachute).

We didn’t know our neighbours, but as the weather got better, we began to venture out a little more and we got to meet our neighbours next door. A retired Italian couple with 3 grown up children, well in their 40s now.

Such a small world we live in, I found out that their youngest daughter “Sandra” went to high school with my sister and actually works with my sister today as a Lancome cosmetics representative. My sister works in sales at the Bay, on the South Shore and she sells Lancome products.

We had finally found the perfect neighbours! Ever so generous, they always had a bottle of homemade wine to give to us, just because...we were nice to them and their family. The father “Primo”, a retired construction worker, would tend to his garden on a daily basis and every time I would go out on my back balcony to hang out laundry to dry, he’d always look up and say: "Hi, How are you?" and invite me to come down to visit his garden filled with tomatoes, green beans, fresh basil, etc...You could honestly see the pride and care he put into that space.

One day, I find out that Primo’s wife is not well and that she was rushed to the hospital! Such a sad day that was. Primo was devastated and his eyes would tear up at the mere thought that this was the first time in over 50 years that he was alone without his wife “Dominica” by his side. He was truly lost without her.

As you know with older European generations, the mother of the house always took care of everything. With her being gone, life, as Primo knew it, remained at a stand still!

I am a stay-at-home mommy of three (3). My time is divided between my home and my children and making sure everything is under control under my roof. I love to cook and I'll be the first to admit, I never was a real baker. But after hearing what had happened next door, I felt absolutely compelled to help out in any way I could. When I cook, I always make too much (it never fails, as I always cook for an army), so I would set a special plate aside for Primo and would bring it over right before sitting down for my own meal.

One day, as I went over to drop off a plate of food, Primo greeted me at his door and simply burst into tears. His wife, Dominica, was still in the hospital, but doctors found that she had terminal cancer and had but 6 months to live!!! I couldn’t help myself, I started to cry too!

Primo went on to say how life was just so unfair...that finally after over 50 years, they have everything they needed and wanted and life was just beginning for them as a couple and family...and now this! I could see the pain and the sadness in his eyes and the only thing I could say or do, was to try to comfort him. I told him not to worry, as everything would be ok. One day at a time.

Dominica stayed in the hospital a good 2 weeks. She underwent several tests and the results weren’t in her favour. During this time, I would continue my rounds and brought lunch, dinner or something I had baked in the morning over for Primo. He loved my cakes and told me it was the best part of his mornings, as he would enjoy a piece with his usual morning cup of freshly brewed espresso.

As if the sun came out on the cloudiest of days, one day Dominica was released from the hospital and returned home, pending more tests. She was well enough to leave and she was very happy to be back in her own element. When I saw her, I gave her a huge hug and tried so hard not to notice the many bruises she had on both her arms, from all the needles she had stuck in her over the course of 2 weeks, while in the hospital!

Everything seemed to return to normal, but Dominica was still in a fragile state and suffered excruciating pain which not even morphine could dull.

With Dominica back home, I still continued my rounds, but this time I would truly think for 2, as Primo was no longer alone. His wife was back, but she could barely function on her own.

Their daughter “Emilia” flew in from Chile to help look after her mother, as there was only so much Primo could do alone for his wife. This didn’t stop me, nor did it deter me, as I continued to help out whichever way I could.

Each time I would go over, they would continuously tell me: “You do not have to do all that you do for us”, to which I would simply respond: “I know! I do what I do because I want to, as it makes ME feel good deep inside!”

Back and forth, the giving never stopped. One day, the doorbell rings. It was Primo. He came to my door and surprised me with a 10 kilo bag of sugar. He said it was a thank you gift for all the baking I had done for him and his family. We both laughed to tears, as I asked him where were the eggs to add to this, as I could only go so far on sugar alone! LOL

Anyhow, yesterday morning, I heard the motor of a diesel engine running outside my living-room window. I knew this sound a little too well and went to look. Sure enough, there was an ambulance parked outside Primo’s home. I went out and stood on my front balcony. I could not control the tears which came pouring out of my eyes! As I held my youngest daughter in my arms, all I could do was pray that Dominica was ok!

Emilia came out, her eyes filled with tears. I thought to myself "Oh No!", then she looked up my way and said that her mom was ok. She simply was in way too much pain to endure it anymore.

As the EMTs (Emergency Medical Technicians) wheeled her out, my eyes began to tear even more, as Dominica looked up at me and with what little energy she had left in her, she blew a kiss as to say, everything would be alright.

That morning, I was lost. I could not find my place. I was so sad deep within!

The only thing I could think of was Primo and how he was alone at home once again without his dear wife by his side. Emilia took off with the ambulance and stayed by her mother’s side.

So, not knowing what to do with myself, I baked yet another one of my upside down apple cakes and brought it over to Primo, along with lunch, as I knew the poor man was alone and wouldn’t eat anything unless his family was back home with him.

That afternoon, the clock was ticking. Still no news from the hospital on Dominica’s condition and Emilia still had not returned. Dinner time was fast approaching and I knew Primo would need to eat and so would Emilia once she returned home from the hospital.

So I took matters into my own hands and decided to cook a complete separate dinner for their family. I roasted a full chicken and stuffed it with garlic and plenty of spices. I then pan roasted some potatoes in olive oil and steamed up some fresh corn on the cob.

I placed everything so neatly in a huge black pan and closed it with a lid. With a huge smile of satisfaction on my face, I made my way next door once more.

Primo answered the door and he looked as if he had been crying all this time since I last saw him at noon.

What a surprise it was for him, as he opened the lid and stood there in shock. He immediately closed it and simply said: “You are the best woman, aside from my wife, in this entire world!” He gave me 2 kisses, one on each cheek, thanked me ever so much and I went home.

I felt like a million dollars. To know deep down and now to have heard it, the appreciation I got from Primo was priceless!

A little later that evening, his daughter Sandra popped into my place. She came over to give us news of her mother, as she too was at the hospital all this time and she wanted to thank me personally for having made such a wonderful dinner for her family. She went as far as saying: “If I smell like garlic, it’s all your fault!” LOL

With her, she brought along a little tote bag filled with all kinds of different cosmetics. A thank you gift for all I had done that day.

Once again, I felt on top of this world.

Someone once asked me: “Why do you do all that you do?”

My answer to this could not be more simple...

“Because someday, it will all come back to me, one way or another!”

Metrosexuals or Sexually confused?

Metrosexual is a term used to describe a male who carries himself in a feminine way. This also occurs with females, when the term commonly used is that of being a tomboy!

The typical metrosexual is a young man with money to spend, living in or within easy reach of a metropolis – because that's where all the best shops, clubs, gyms and hairdressers are.
He might be officially gay, straight or bisexual, but this is utterly immaterial because he has clearly taken himself as his own love object and pleasure as his sexual preference.
Particular professions, such as modeling, waiting tables, media, pop music and, nowadays, sport, seem to attract them but, truth be told, like male vanity products and herpes, they're pretty much everywhere.

For some time now, old-fashioned (re)productive, repressed, unmoisturized heterosexuality has been given the pink slip by consumer capitalism. The stoic, self-denying, modest straight male didn't shop enough (his role was to earn money for his wife to spend), and so he had to be replaced by a new kind of man, one less certain of his identity and much more interested in his image – that's to say, one who was much more interested in being looked at (because that's the only way you can be certain you actually exist). A man, in other words, who is an advertiser's walking wet dream!

Common ways to spot a Metrosexual (see picture below)



I have but one question...

Where is our world heading?

Potty Training

With the summer months upon us, I took a pro-active approach in potty training my 28 month old! Not quite 2 1/2, I decided it was far time that she learned to do her little business like a big girl! Something has to be said about the cost of buying diapers for 2...soon 3! It was definitely crunch time!

I allowed her to run around our home, wearing just little panties. After a few accidents, wipe outs and permanent spotting of carpets, she soon realized that she didn't need to feel so wet if she simply sat her little bum on the little white potty.

At first, she would do so but would forget to remove her undies!
It was priceless!
Success was hers at that moment, as she would look for her "High-Five"...wet panties and all! She must have gone through 6-8 pairs of undies that day!

We would send her to bed wearing simply a pull-up and come morning, the pull-up would be dry and she would immediately proceed to relieve herself!

She would spend her entire days in clean underwear, as the accidents were no more!

How proud she was each time, as she knew to remove the little bucket and the flush the waste down into the toilet! High-fives all around!

I am happy to say that by the time her baby brother arrives...overnight pull-ups will be a thing of the past!

I am so proud of my little girl!

Here's hoping I can get her little sister to follow as soon as she starts walking!

Wouldn't that be something!

They do say: "Monkey see, monkey do!"

Keeping fingers crossed!

Interesting Article - Had to share it!

Soy is making kids 'gay'

There's a slow poison out there that's severely damaging our children and threatening to tear apart our culture. The ironic part is, it's a "health food," one of our most popular.

Now, I'm a health-food guy, a fanatic who seldom allows anything into his kitchen unless it's organic. I state my bias here just so you'll know I'm not anti-health food.

The dangerous food I'm speaking of is soy. Soybean products are feminizing, and they're all over the place. You can hardly escape them anymore.

I have nothing against an occasional soy snack. Soy is nutritious and contains lots of good things. Unfortunately, when you eat or drink a lot of soy stuff, you're also getting substantial quantities of estrogens.

Estrogens are female hormones. If you're a woman, you're flooding your system with a substance it can't handle in surplus. If you're a man, you're suppressing your masculinity and stimulating your "female side," physically and mentally.

In fetal development, the default is being female. All humans (even in old age) tend toward femininity. The main thing that keeps men from diverging into the female pattern is testosterone, and testosterone is suppressed by an excess of estrogen.

If you're a grownup, you're already developed, and you're able to fight off some of the damaging effects of soy. Babies aren't so fortunate. Research is now showing that when you feed your baby soy formula, you're giving him or her the equivalent of five birth control pills a day. A baby's endocrine system just can't cope with that kind of massive assault, so some damage is inevitable. At the extreme, the damage can be fatal.

Soy is feminizing, and commonly leads to a decrease in the size of the penis, sexual confusion and homosexuality. That's why most of the medical (not socio-spiritual) blame for today's rise in homosexuality must fall upon the rise in soy formula and other soy products. (Most babies are bottle-fed during some part of their infancy, and one-fourth of them are getting soy milk!) Homosexuals often argue that their homosexuality is inborn because "I can't remember a time when I wasn't homosexual." No, homosexuality is always deviant. But now many of them can truthfully say that they can't remember a time when excess estrogen wasn't influencing them.

Doctors used to hope soy would reduce hot flashes, prevent cancer and heart disease, and save millions in the Third World from starvation. That was before they knew much about long-term soy use. Now we know it's a classic example of a cure that's worse than the disease. For example, if your baby gets colic from cow's milk, do you switch him to soy milk? Don't even think about it. His phytoestrogen level will jump to 20 times normal. If he is a she, brace yourself for watching her reach menarche as young as seven, robbing her of years of childhood. If he is a boy, it's far worse: He may not reach puberty till much later than normal.

Research in 2000 showed that a soy-based diet at any age can lead to a weak thyroid, which commonly produces heart problems and excess fat. Could this explain the dramatic increase in obesity today?

Recent research on rats shows testicular atrophy, infertility and uterus hypertrophy (enlargement). This helps explain the infertility epidemic and the sudden growth in fertility clinics. But alas, by the time a soy-damaged infant has grown to adulthood and wants to marry, it's too late to get fixed by a fertility clinic.

Worse, there's now scientific evidence that estrogen ingredients in soy products may be boosting the rapidly rising incidence of leukemia in children. In the latest year we have numbers for, new cases in the U.S. jumped 27 percent. In one year!

There's also a serious connection between soy and cancer in adults – especially breast cancer. That's why the governments of Israel, the UK, France and New Zealand are already cracking down hard on soy.

In sad contrast, 60 percent of the refined foods in U.S. supermarkets now contain soy. Worse, soy use may double in the next few years because (last I heard) the out-of-touch medicrats in the FDA hierarchy are considering allowing manufacturers of cereal, energy bars, fake milk, fake yogurt, etc., to claim that "soy prevents cancer." It doesn't.

P.S.: Soy sauce is fine. Unlike soy milk, it's perfectly safe because it's fermented, which changes its molecular structure. Miso, natto and tempeh are also OK, but avoid tofu.

Article written by: Jim Rutz
Copied from: WorldNetDaily.com

Rude Awakening!

After a few hours of sulking, crying and sheer frustration...
I had a revelation!

Who am I kidding? Why do I persist to bring close those who simply couldn't give a rat's ass about me or my family?!

This has been a lifelong struggle for me, as I went through life always doing things for others, when those people whom I have helped...were no where to be found when I needed aid in return!

I never wanted anything more than to be appreciated, to be adored, to be praised for the good woman that I am.

Unfortunately, in this pretty selfish world we live in, I have lost myself somewhere along the way, as I continuously gave to those who knew nothing more than to take take take!

I must think of ME and my family, as no one else is doing it!

I have grown tired of my generosity being taken for granted. I am fed up of my kindness falling into unworthy hands!

Many who have grown use to me being around - at the drop of the hat, will soon realize...
I am no longer available!

I will be called every name in the book. Many will find ample reasons to hate me...

But the way I see it, being the good person that I was to them all...

NEVER GOT ME ANYWHERE to begin with!

I know my self-worth and I definitely do not deserve the likes of them in my life!

To put it quite plainly...

Screw 'Em All!

What is a baby shower?

I am presently pregnant with my 4th child. In all the years that I have spent waddling back and forth, carrying a baby between my legs, not once have I known the answer to the question above! Sad to say it, but I will not hold my breath to ever know the answer to that question!

My first pregnancy, the one MOST would consider to be important, came and went with little to no excitement! It was an unwanted baby by everyone else around (including its biological father). I was unmarried and there was no hope of ever tying the knot.

Having left a rather abusive relationship, I spent the next 7 years alone, raising this child all by myself, with little to no help in this world.

Miracles do happen! After so many years alone, I finally met a wonderful man, fell in love, got married 6 months later and our family began to bloom!

Pregnancy #2, came just before we were wed and caused quite the negative reaction from many around...especially from my husband's side of the family! We were unwed and according to them...barely knew one another enough to take on such a massive commitment!

Pregnancy #3, now married...once again, my husband's side of the family were in shock, as all they could do is count the days before our relationship/marriage would fall apart!

Now with baby #4 on its way...still married and very happily at that...still no real positive reaction from my husband's side of the family!

What is wrong with this picture?

Why can't people simply be happy for others?

Family, above all, should be the first to join in and celebrate a new life!

A new addition to the family should be a wonderful gift to all who are concerned!

Not in this case...

I will simply say that Baby Showers are a way for family to celebrate the new arrival of a baby...a WANTED baby...

I guess all 4 children of mine, born and unborn, were clearly unwanted...3 of which happen to be disregarded by my husband's side of the family!

How sad is that?

Rainy Day Fun - At least for me!

What else can one do on a rainy day?

You get tired of watching the same TV shows, day in and day out!

You are bored of all the games stored in the closet! Yawwwwn!

There was nothing more amusing to me, than to make use of the 800 tiny clear elastics, which I purchased at the Dollarama just the other day!

Here's the result!

It's Blue!

Everything is beautiful and on schedule!

Should timing be accurate, we should see our new bundle of joy at the end of October!

Let the shopping spree begin!

U-Day

Today is the day, my little precious one!
I will finally be able to have a look at you and to find out a bit more about you!
Are you growing alright? Is everything ok? Are you to be my 2nd son or my 3rd daughter?
All of these questions will be revealed in just a few hours!
I am anxious, to say the least, as I tossed and turned in bed last night thinking of you!
I cannot wait to be able to put a name to your tiny soul and to finally count down the weeks before I can hold you in my arms!
I do not care if you are pink or blue...just be healthy!
I will love you, as I do already, with all of my heart!

Ex-Lax Relief for Children!

Life Of Misery

Can you imagine going through life never truly being happy?
Every morning that you get up, to be royally pissed off that you could still be breathing?
I know of a couple of people, very close to me, who go on living this way, day by day!
Nothing can ever make them happy!
No money, no gifts, no parties or events...everything just seems like such a huge task, that they simply do not wish to be a part of!
This is what you call being in a severe depressive state of mind!
Every wrong that comes their way, is immediately blamed upon someone else!
Never taking responsibility for their own actions or inaction.
The entire world is against them! They always fear the worst will come their way!
To go on with such misery all around, can only make one wonder...why do they keep living?
It's sad to think it, it is sad to mention it...
But the only time these people will truly be happy and at peace...
Is the day they take their final breath!

A child's laughter

The world all around me may crumble and fall.
All could go to hell, as isn't this where we are all headed anyways?
The news speaks of catastrophes, deaths and murders...
How can anyone possibly have a positive outlook on life, when everything seems to be surrounded or involved in some kind of disaster, natural or manmade?!
Each day we get out of bed, trying desperately to focus on tasks at hand, never truly knowing if today might be the day we never come back!
We try our best to not let certain things bother us or affect us, as we try to meditate and think that things could be a lot worse...and believe me they can get a lot worse!
Then, all of a sudden...a child's laughter could be heard!
It's like music, a melody, so innocent, so tender, so priceless!
A child knows not of all the presures we face each day.
This child's only concerns are if she will be fed when she is hungry and given a drink when she is thirsty and if mommy and daddy will always love her!
Wouldn't it be nice if we could all go back to our youth, when simple times and moments were taken for granted?! How foolish we were...how innocent...all we had to do is laugh and all would be forgiven and forgotten!
I would give anything to be able to laugh like that once more...
Luckily, I may do so, at least for a moment...

Thanks to my precious little ones' souls!

Pink or Blue?

Just a week ago, you started to give me signs of life, as you gave me a sudden jolt!

It brought an instant smile to my face, as my hand reached to caress you.

In just a couple of weeks, I'll be able to see you and to finally know a bit more about you.

Pink or blue? This is a question I wish to know the answer to before you arrive.

If you are to be pink, all I can say is that you'll have plenty of fun growing up with two little sisters and hand-me-downs...get use to them now, as we've got plenty!

Now if you were to turn out to be blue...Oh Boy!

Mommy will have her work cut out for her, as I will have to go on a major shopping spree, as we have absolutely nothing blue!

Either way, just be healthy and just be you!

This is all I can ask of you!

Until we see one another my dear little one,

I love you, as I do all of my children!

A year old already!

Seems like just yesterday that I gave birth to my second daughter!

This coming Saturday, she'll be celebrating her first birthday!

I find myself running around, like a chicken with no head, trying to prepare everything for her first party! I have invited more people than I think I have room for...but, never the less...

We'll have a blast!

The food is all prepared and we have plenty of ice on stand-by for our drinkers!

1 year old already...I simply cannot believe it!

The truth cuts deeper than a razor blade!

Dear Mother-in-law,

Over the last 3 years, many events have come to pass which made my integration into the family less than favourable! For this reason, I have been pressing my husband against the wall to ensure that he kept a tight lip about something presently going on in our lives.

I am pregnant with our 4th child! I am 5 ½ months along. The baby is due sometime at the end of October, beginning of November! On July 15th, we will know if it’s to be a girl or a boy this time around!

Because of many events, I was ready and willing to go through my entire pregnancy without anyone from my husband’s side knowing! But, I am getting rather tired of having to try to find excuses on how to remove myself from upcoming family events, as my belly is growing bigger each day!

In normal circumstances, you would have been one of the first to know, but after 2 consecutive pregnancy put downs, I have to admit, I was truly not looking forward to a third!

We are a family and as such, our family will grow whether others like it or not! The fact that most think of our union as a mockery, doomed to fail at any given moment (causing my husband to royally screw up his life for good) I find this to be rather disgusting and deplorable!

We will outlast all couples we know, as we came together with nothing and we survived struggles most couples would have run away from, many moons ago. We managed to build something absolutely wonderful together…A FAMILY! Against all odds…we did it and we are extremely happy!

I am sorry if this letter upsets you, but I needed to let you know the reason behind us not telling you sooner.

We would have told you in person, but I am not too good at being able to swallow reactions less than positive and it would no doubt have truly sealed my husband’s family’s fate with me for good!

I truly hope you will be happy, not only for us (because it’s our lives), but deep within to know that your family is growing and you are a very lucky grand-mother!

Hope this letter finds you well.

Sincerely I remain,

Your daughter-in-law

Respect

I got inspired to write this morning, after having read a story on a blog some time ago.

A little girl got inspired one day and decided to take a rock and scratch a mural on the neighbour's car!

Her punishment was, 5 days/nights of not being able to play with her friends. I suppose this meant, the child was to remain at home and not be able to have any friends over and no sleepovers either!

I was flabbergasted! To me, such a punishment was a simple tap on the wrist for such an enormous lack of respect towards another person's possession!

I approached my son (aged 10) this morning and flat out asked him:

"Would you take a rock and proceed to draw pictures on someone else's car?"

To which he immediately got on the defensive and said: "Mom, I swear I never did such a thing!"

I asked him to cool down and to simply answer the question.

Of course his answer was: "NO! Never!"

I then asked him: "WHY?"

"Because it is not right to touch another person's things, especially a car, as cars are very expensive to own and fix!" he said.

When I told him what this little girl had done, his mouth dropped to the floor! I then told him what her punishment was...

This is the funny part...

He responded:

"Geeze, if I would have done such a thing, I would have been punished severely!"

I asked him: "How's that? What do you think your punishment would have been?"

He then proceeded to respond:

1- I would have gotten the beating of a lifetime;

2- I would have been locked in my room for 2 weeks;

3- I would have only white bread and water to eat for breakfast, lunch and dinner...

Needless to say, none of my children would have done such a thing as the punishment they would have gotten would not have been worth the 5 minutes of fun they think they would have had doing such a destructive thing!

RESPECT! Do not touch what is NOT yours!

It's a plain and simple rule every child, teenager and adult should know!

Lemons - They Make Great Lemonade!

There's an old saying that goes...

"When life throws you lemons, make lemonade!"

How true...so true!

My life is composed of more downs than ups.
The tragedies I have witnessed in my life, forced me to have to deal with things as they came.

I didn't have your average happy youth, "Au contraire"...

I was born the middle child. I was also known as the black sheep of my family!

Both my brother and sister got glorified by my mother, yet I was left in the sidelines, basically left for dead and had no choice but to fend for myself.
No amount of good I could ever do would ever change the way my own mother treated me!
I was alone!

I learned a lot about life at a very young age. Most of my teachers were strangers to most, but they became my family!

I grew up at the neighbour's house, in her kitchen. Not for nothing that today I can cook just about anything, if I put my mind to it.

Over the years, I have come face to face with many who have gotten to know me and immediately felt threatened or overwhelmed by my person.

Needless to say, this has caused me a great deal of hurt and harm in my life, having found myself facing situations beyond my control, due to the fact that someone wanted me abolished!

I cannot help but be who I am!

If I make you laugh, it's because I have spent far too many years crying!

If I can cook a meal that would be classified as 5 star quality, it's because my mother wanted nothing to do with me and so I would run to the only place I knew I was appreciated - My neighbour's kitchen, where I baked my first cake at the age of 7.

If I can keep a clean home and have some décor sense, it's because I grew up in a filthy home where just about anything went and nothing matched!

If I can get along with everyone and actually be liked, it's because I learned early on, that there is good and bad in all races, color and religion. I never brought anyone down, no matter where they were from, as many different people have helped me, in more ways than my own family ever could or would.

If I am appreciated by others, it's because I am a giver and give with all my heart, always!

I didn't become who I am without all the trials and events I have had to endure! I have spent countless years crying, simply wishing I could die! I have failed to take my own life on three (3) separate occasions…as how much more harm and hurt can one person take?!

I slowly came to realize that I cannot change our world and have no control over how people live and view me, not even my own family!

I simply learned how to take the lemons which were thrown at me and make lemonade!

Care for a glass?

Darkness Within

From darkness, there was light.
From my first breath, to my last,
Pain is all that I could remember.
Childhood dreams of laughter,
Clouded my realities of life.
Who could have predicted,
That the hell I've feared growing up,
Is the hell I live right now.
Endless nights lost to tears.
Headaches, heartaches...
When will they all disappear?
As I once prayed before,
"Angels of darkness,
Please come for me!"
I came from darkness,
To the light of hell,
One day I will return...
To peace, quiet and calm.
As my eyes will close,
One last time,
The first breath I took,
Should have been my last!

Written by me 20 years ago!

Givers vs. Takers

It is very rare that I find the time to write this much! I guess I have far too much on my mind lately and needed some place to file it all!

Our world is composed of givers and takers!

I find it absolutely amazing that those who seem to have less, tend to give more than those who have more to give!

I suppose it boils down to knowing too well what it means not to have. Every little extra that we have, we cannot help but want to share it with someone less fortunate than ourselves! Even if we, ourselves, are not that well off either!

I know a great many people who have so much, they do not know what to do with it all, but if you happen to ask them for help, they bluntly respond: "I am not the Salvation Army!"

I am a giver, yet I am surrounded by takers! Sometimes I truly feel as if I am being taken for granted, as I feel as if I am being pulled from all sides, with no return in sight!

It never fails, when I need help, no one could be found!

Makes me truly sick to my stomach at times, but I cannot change who I am.

I am the type that would give away my last dime! Sadly enough, it will be the person who has a pot full of them that will take it from my hand without thinking twice!

Such is the world we live in!

Selfless Actions Speak Louder Than Words!

I have been extremely busy in the last week to 10 days!
Mother of 3 and in a fragile state, I found myself taking on a ginormous task!
On a very limited budget, I decided it was far time I took certain matters into my own hands.

With my dear "Princess" of a brother away on a two week vacation, roasting his nuts on some exotic beaches in Mexico, I knew there was no better time than NOW to take action and to make the necessary changes and clean-up in my dear old mother's home - something she so desperately needed done!

The yellowed, smokers paradise, has now been replaced with industrial white walls and cabinets! For 8 years that kitchen has not seen a single clean sponge or fresh roll of paint! It was quite the task, let me tell you...mid-way, I almost gave up! But now that it is done, I cannot help but pat myself on the back for a job well done!

New light fixtures, all the appliances have been scrubbed to a brand new state! That darn place is squeeky clean - Ready for a white glove inspection!

During this entire process, many thoughts ran across my mind. Words and sentences I have heard over the years - "Man oh man, that place truly needs a good scrub! How can anyone live like that!" All of which came from family members.

Funny thing is, I am the only one who remained quiet and actually stepped up to the plate and did something about it!

It only took a couple of gallons of paint, some elbow grease and the patience of mind to deal with an old woman who has endure war and depression, who could not help but want to hold on to everything...just in case!

End result...35-40 black garbage bags dressed the driveway's edge! (I can tell you, the garbage pickers asked for over-time that day!)

During this week to 10 days, other family members had time off. Did they once call to extend a helping hand? NO!

"Mommy, mommy, mommy! I love my mommy! There is nothing I wouldn't do for my mother!"

Yet when it comes down to it...

ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS!

Communication - As vital as the air we breathe!

I am sure I am not the only one who can relate to keeping things bottled up inside!

Events, little moments in time which slowly eat away at our spirit and ultimately consume us from the inside out!

I am very fortunate to have a great line of communication with my family. No matter what could possibly be going on in my life, I simply have to pick up the phone, blurt it all out and presto, find some sort of comfort in knowing that the load I have carried upon my shoulders has somewhat been lifted. The only thing I didn't intend, was for MY LOAD to fall upon an other's shoulders.

My poor mother. She'll be 76 years old come the end of May. When I share something with her, she truly digests it, resulting in her taking more medications to lower her blood pressure or to relieve an on coming anxiety spell!

Out of all people I know, my mother is the only one who can truly relate and understand how I could possibly be feeling deep down inside. To talk to her about this or that, truly makes me feel good, as I know I will get some sort of feedback or positive reinforcement.

I simply wish she didn't have to suffer on my account.

Life isn't easy, never will it be.

We are surrounded by miserable people whom have nothing better to do than to bring down others. No matter how hard you try to distance yourself from them, they always seem to lurk in the background of our minds and taunt us on a daily basis.

We can try our best to not allow them to affect our daily lives, but when they are part of your extended family...it's a completely different story!

There is no escaping them!

So what can you do?

This is where communication becomes as vital as the air we breathe!

I am very fortunate that I have a good support system on my side.

No matter what may come my way, I know that I can talk about it and find some sort of peace of mind.

Cloud 9

I should be on cloud 9, at this point in my life.

I feel as if the world, which surrounds me, has covered me with a blanket of shame!

What could I have possibly been thinking?

Who was I to believe that my joy and happiness would be enough to see me through?

Evil is all around us, you cannot escape it, no matter how hard you try...it always wins!

What is a person to do? What am I to do?

I feel as if I am living a lie, concealing a truth, simply to maintain a certain degree of peace.

But how low I feel, how saddened I am by all of this!

In a perfect world, I would be on cloud 9...

But my life isn't so and never will it be!

Darkness gives life!

Struggling to focus, it tries to make out a few familiar shadows.

It is dark. Darkness is all it has ever known.

The walls seem to be coming in on it, as no light could be spared throughout the space.

It hesitates to move, as it knows not where to go.

Trapped is one word to describe how it feels.

Confined is another.

In the midst of all this darkness, it can't ignore the warmth it feels.

What will tomorrow bring?

When will these shadows reveal themselves?

Uncertainty surrounds it.

A voice could be heard in the distance.

A comforting melody.

It feels safe.

Nothing else matters...

For now.

Time Flew!

How time flew by!

I cannot believe that it has already been a full month since I last posted something!

Needless to say, I have been very busy and have not had the presence of mind to write.

Hopefully in time, always time in the picture, I will regain my thoughts and write some more!

Until such time, hope everyone is enjoying life...

Spring is in the air and Summer will follow!

Certainty in uncertain times

Today, unlike any other day, will be the beginning of yet another adventure in my life!
Boxes have been packed. Some have been marked.
Don't really care at this point, just get me the hell out of here already!
The last few months have not been easy, to say the least.
Uncertainty has become my best friend, against my better judgement.
What will tomorrow bring I wonder?
No matter!
Come hell or high water, one thing is for certain...
I am out of here!
HALLELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLUIA!

Silence

The room was dark. Only a single beam of sunlight shined through the loosely shut curtains. As the old professor sat in his chair, you could see the smoke of his trusty old pipe dancing in the distance.
Nothing but sheer silence could be heard all around. Not a single trace of life was known, until the front door swung open and caught the old man off guard!

“Who’s there?!” shouted he, as he quickly grabbed hold of his sword. But no one responded.

As the professor made his way towards the hallway, the floor beneath his feet creaked with every step he took.

“I say, who’s there?” exclaimed the frightened old man, but once again…not a single sound rebounded.

As he stepped closer towards the extremity of his living-room, his old piano began to play a piece of melody he recognized.

Startled beyond his wildest dreams, the professor tried to imagine who or what could be in his home.

“Who’s there?!” he shouted once more.

A shadow was seen sweeping across the ceiling and without warning a small hand grabbed the old man’s left arm.

“Michael!” preached the old man.

“You scared me!” he exclaimed.

As if it were a sign, the grand-father’s clock pendulum came to a sudden halt.

Stepping back, taking all precaution in hand, the old man looked deep into the young child’s eyes.
“Michael?” he said with a very shaky voice. But nothing but silence was heard once more.

A sudden rush of pain was felt, before the old man fell. Nothing padded his fall, as his old body crashed to the floor.

There he lay, as the blood trickled down onto his Persian carpet. Having survived two combats, no amount of training could have prepared him for this.

As if adding insult to injury, the young boy turned on the television, sat in the old man's chair and proceeded to watch his favourite show.

Time

Seems like just yesterday, I would return from school and walk into the kitchen to find my mother, sitting in her usual spot, either talking on the phone or staring at the television above the refrigerator.

The sweet smell of corn on the cob filled the air, as I would get the third degree for even trying to approach the boiling pot.

"It's not ready!" my mother would say.

As my mouth would water, I took one look at the clock and prayed time would move a lot quicker! And did it ever drag...

A single minute felt like an hour!

That was over 20 years ago! Hard to believe that time did as it promised...it went by unnoticed!

I find myself at yet another crossroad in life, where that loyal clock just seems to taunt me once more!

18 days = 432 hours which could also mean 25920 minutes...will it ever end?

To know deep down that your world will come apart in 18 days isn't so bad, but to actually look forward to it...this is where in lay the issue!

Am I so sadistic? To actually want and look forward to my entire universe to fall into shambles?

Perhaps I am like a Phoenix, looking forward to coming back to life from the ashes.

I have never known an easy way out of anything in my life. The only thing I know is how high I can climb, once I have reached the absolute bottom!

In life, we must fall flat on our faces in order to appreciate everything that we have!

I am looking forward to this day.

Only 25915 minutes to go!

Nameless One

You are only but 5 weeks old, but I feel your presence already.

So fragile, so delicate and so vulnerable;

Those are just a few words to describe you right now.

I do not know your name, nor do I know what you look like...

But I, your mother, love you just the same!

It won't be long now, wait and see, you'll be moving about and bringing me great joy!

Stay safe and away from harm for now, as our world is somewhat upside down.

By the time you are ready to fill your lungs with air, everything will be back to normal and we'll be able to care for you, nurture you and love you with all of our hearts!

Until we meet, my precious nameless one!

Devastated!!!

Anyone who has ever had the chance to enter my home, knew in an instant that I loved plants!
At one point, I had over 30 of them and they were all thriving; creating my own little rainforest away from paradise!
My biggest regret in this entire moving disaster, was the loss of 2/3's of my forest.
Some of my plants I have cared for well over 8 years!
I am totally devastated!
I can only hope that once we have settled into our new home, my friends and family will all pitch in and bring me a new plant to love and nurture!
Help me create my desperately needed paradise, once again!

HINT HINT to all!!!

There's no place like home

The drifter, so they called me, as I could not settle.

I have made home of many places throughout my life, but never have my roots grown deep enough to keep me in, down and in place.

I have lived everywhere. I have lived in places many would consider to be hell of earth.

I was there, many times before! I still carry its map and know never to cross its borders again!

No matter where I go, no matter how long I am away, nothing and I mean nothing could ever keep me away from where I truly belong - Home!

In just a matter of a few weeks, my life will start anew, back to the soil I once walked as a child.

To be able to walk the streets blindfolded and to know exactly where I am - this could only come with a great sense of comfort and knowledge that I know where I belong!

No matter how far I have drifted, my roots never once left home's soil.

Here's hoping that the winds will die down for once in my life and that I never feel the urge to fly away again!

As Dorothy once said it best: "There's no place like home!"

My ruby slippers have clicked their heals...

Home, here I come!

Tired Am I

I tossed and turned.

I tossed and turned so much last night, that I could no more!

Too many thoughts ran through my head.

Too many images needed to be processed, filtered and filed!

I am so tired, not only physically, but emotionally!

I am at a point where I honestly question...

How peaceful would a coma be?

To be fed and not have to cook.

To pee under myself and not have to move once.

To have my hair brushed, body cleaned, nails cut...

Seems like quite the spa treatment if you ask me!

When will I sleep soundly again?

When will my eyes close at night and not reopen until there is light?

I am tired.

I need my sleep.

When will my nightmare end?

The irony is...

I AM AWAKE!

T-N-T

Imagine being forced to light a stick of dynamite, knowing fully that the wick's length isn't long enough for you to run clear from its damaging effects!
As if that weren't enough, imagine the stick going off by remote detonator, proudly held by the hands of a vile creature, should you dare decide not to light it!
No matter which way you look at it, your goose is cooked!
What thoughts could possibly be running through your head?
Your life hangs in the balance and the one person who can save you, has wanted you dead before you were even born!
Do you then start believing in miracles? Is there really a higher power out there?
If God could walk on water and split the red sea...could he not spare a single lightning bolt?
If I were to die at that moment, I would rather it be by God's will and not by the hands of the one person who has cursed the day I took my first breath!
I am not a religious person, but in this situation, I am more than ready to repent for all my sins!

Life's Endless Journey

For as long as I can remember, I have always been drifting, like a single leaf in the wind on a cool Autumn day.

When will I finally settle? When will I lay my hat down and never again pick it up?

It seems that every time I think everything in my life is perfect, something or someone always has to come along and ruin things for me.

Makes me wonder why I even try to make a life for myself, when I know deep down it will soon be dismantled, destroyed beyond recognition!

A new path lays before me, once again!

What does this road ahead of me hold? This I do not know. One thing I do know is that no matter what may come my way, I will make the best of it, no matter how hard or ugly things may get.

My life is an endless journey...

It will end, when I can finally smell the flowers from the roots up!

Cry for help

Imagine yourself laying there,

wounded, disfigured beyond recognition.
As you continuously get bombarded,

fired at and assaulted from all sides.
To say you are hurt would be such comfort,

as the pain you feel has well surpassed any normal level of tolerance.
You lay there bleeding.

Your once blue jacket has now changed to a rainbow of deep reds and even darker purples.
You are growing weaker as time passes you by.
How much more can you take?

How much longer will you fight for a life,

which has brought you nothing more than pain and suffering?
Your only saving grace at this time,

is the micro sliver of hope you still carry deep within your soul.
You find yourself asking, over and over:
"Why me? Why is this happening to me? What have I done?

What have I done so wrong

to deserve all of which is happening to me?"
As you lay your head back onto the ground, eyes open to the sky,

you gather whatever energy you have left and let out a final scream...
Only one question remains...
Did anyone hear you?